Been there, done that. Didn't have the guts -- or wit -- to reply in
the same way, though. Perhaps in another 30 yrs or so,,, :)
From: B.R.
Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year
old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it
published in the New York Times.
Dear Sir:
I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored
to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds
must have elapsed between presenting the check and the arrival in my
account of the funds needed to honor it.
I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire
pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only
eight years.
You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity,
and also for debiting y account $30 by way of penalty for the
inconvenience caused to your bank. My thankfulness springs from the
manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant
financial ways.
I noticed that whereas I personally answer your
telephone calls and letters, --- when I try to contact you, I am
confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless
entity which your bank has become.
From now on I choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person.
My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer
be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed
personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must
nominate. Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any
other person to open such an envelope.
Please find attached an Application Contract which I require your
chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in
order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me,
there is no alternative.
Please note that all copies of his or her medical
history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory
details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and
liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof. In due course, at
MY convenience, I will issue your mployee with a PIN number which
he/she must quote in dealings with me.
I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have
modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my
account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is
the sincerest form of flattery.
Let me level the playing field even further.
When you call me, press buttons as follows: IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING,
PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH!
#1. To make an appointment to see me
#2. To query a missing payment.
#3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
#4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
#5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
#6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
#7. To leave a message on my computer a password is required. Password
will be communicated to you at a later date to that authorized Contact
mentioned earlier.
#8. To return to the main menu and to listen to
options 1 through 7
#9. To make a general complaint or inquiry, the
contact will then be placed on hold indefinitely.
#10 This is a second reminder to press* for English.
While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, music noise will
play for the duration of the call interfering with the music of your
choice you may already have playing.
Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an
establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.
Your Humble Client
(Remember: This was written by a 86 year old woman)
YOU HAVE JUST GOT TO LOVE THE SENIORS" !!!
************************************************
--
Tamara P Duvall http://t-n-lace.net/
Lexington, Virginia, USA (Formerly of Warsaw, Poland)
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