> > Health & Safety and Equality Considerations for Christmas Songs > > The Rocking Song > Little Jesus, sweetly sleep, do not stir; > We will lend a coat of fur, > We will rock you, rock you, rock you, > We will rock you, rock you, rock you > > Fur is no longer appropriate wear for small infants, both due to > risk of allergy to animal fur, and for ethical reasons. Therefore > faux fur, a nice cellular blanket or perhaps micro-fleece material > should be considered a suitable alternative. > > Please note, only persons who have been subject to a Criminal > Records Bureau check and have enhanced clearance will be permitted > to rock baby Jesus. Persons must carry their CRB disclosure with > them at all times and be prepared to provide three forms of > identification before rocking commences. > > > Jingle Bells > Dashing through the snow > In a one horse open sleigh > O'er the fields we go > Laughing all the way > > A risk assessment must be submitted before an open sleigh is > considered safe for members of the public to travel on. The risk > assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only > one horse for such a venture, particularly if passengers are of > larger proportions. Please note, permission must be gained from > landowners before entering their fields. To avoid offending those > not participating in celebrations, we would request that laughter is > moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance. > > > While Shepherds Watched > While shepherds watched > Their flocks by night > All seated on the ground > The angel of the Lord came down > And glory shone around > > The union of Shepherds has complained that it breaches Health and > Safety regulations to insist that shepherds watch their flocks > without appropriate seating arrangements being provided, therefore > benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available. Shepherds > have also requested that, due to the inclement weather conditions at > this time of year, they should watch their flocks via CCTV cameras > from centrally heated shepherd observation huts. > Please note, the angel of the lord is reminded that before shining > his / her glory all around he / she must ascertain that all > shepherds have been issued with glasses capable of filtering out the > harmful effects of UVA, UVB and Glory. > > Rudolph the red nosed reindeer > Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer > had a very shiny nose. > And if you ever saw him, > you would even say it glows > > You are advised that under the Equal Opportunities act, it is > inappropriate for persons to make comment with regard to the > ruddiness of any part of Mr. R. Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion > of Mr R Reindeer from the Reindeer Games will be considered > discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those > found guilty of this offence. A full investigation will be > implemented and sanctions - including suspension on full pay - will > be considered whilst this investigation takes place. > > > Little Donkey > Little donkey, little donkey on the dusty road > Got to keep on plodding onwards with your precious load > > The RSPCA have issued strict guidelines with regard to how heavy a > load that a donkey of small stature is permitted to carry, also > included in the guidelines is guidance regarding how often to feed > the donkey and how many rest breaks are required over a four hour > plodding period. Please note that due to the increased risk of > pollution from the dusty road, Mary and Joseph are required to wear > face masks to prevent inhalation of any airborne particles. The > donkey has expressed his discomfort at being labelled 'little' and > would prefer just to be simply referred to as Mr. Donkey. To comment > upon his height or lack thereof may be considered an infringement of > his equine rights. > > We Three Kings > We three kings of Orient are > Bearing gifts we traverse afar > Field and fountain, moor and mountain > Following yonder star > > Whilst the gift of gold is still considered acceptable - as it may > be redeemed at a later date through such organisations as 'cash for > gold', etc. - gifts of frankincense and myrrh are not appropriate > due to the potential risk of oils and fragrances causing allergic > reactions. A suggested gift alternative would be to make a donation > to a worthy cause in the recipients name or perhaps give a gift > voucher. > We would not advise that the traversing kings rely on navigation by > stars in order to reach their destinations and suggest the use of > RAC Routefinder or satellite navigation, which will provide the > quickest route and advice regarding fuel consumption. Please note as > per the guidelines from the RSPCA for Mr Donkey, the camels carrying > the three kings of Orient will require regular food and rest breaks. > Facemasks for the three kings are also advisable due to the > likelihood of dust from the camels hooves. > > Away in a Manger > Away in a Manger, > No Crib for a bed > > Social services???????
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