You must learn to pronounce the city name. It is "Lanta". Driving Information:
Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. 1. Lanta has its own version of traffic rules...the truck with the loudest exhaust goes next at a 4-way stop. The truck with the biggest tires goes after that. (Note: Blue haired ladies driving anything have right of way anytime.) 2. To find anything in the city it is required that you know where "Malfunction Junction" is... which is the Alpha and Omega. The beginning and the end . It is one of only two "cloverleaf" formation interchanges in the world. We invented it . Right after LA. 3. The morning rush hour is from 6:00 to 10:00. The evening rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:00. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning. 4. If the term "merging delays" is ever used by the person reporting the traffic, even in passing, call in to work and tell them that you will be at least 30 minutes late regardless of where you are in your commute. 5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be (at the very least, rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot. This applies to male and female drivers alike. 6. You must know that 285 is a circle. We think this was a ploy to confuse outsiders and discourage visitors after the War of Northern Aggression. Always, always, always, find out if it is a race weekend before you get on any of these 'roads' to travel somewhere. If it is a race weekend, stay home or go to the races. You won't be going anywhere else. 7. Construction is a permanent fixture in Lanta. The barrels are moved around in the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting. 8. Watch very carefully for road hazards such as deer, skunks, dogs, barrels, cones, cows, horses, potholes, cats, pieces of other cars, opossum, truck tires, raccoons, squirrels, rabbits, and crows or vultures feeding on any of these items. 9 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally activated". 10. The minimum acceptable speed on "I-285" (see item 6 above) is 85 mph. Anything less is considered downright sissy. This is Georgia's State Highway Sponsored version of NASCAR. Especially during rush hour (see item 4 above) when it's 85 and everyone in the city is driving at once, bumper to bumper. 11. Never honk at anyone. Never, ever!! Seriously! 12. If you are in the left lane, and only going 70 in a 55-MPH zone, you are considered a road hazard, and will be "flipped a bird" accordingly. 13. Ground clearance of at least 12 inches is recommended for city driving. 14. Do not gawk at the woman in the car beside you in traffic who is applying make up, drinking a Diet Coke, smoking a Marlboro, and maintaining a steady speed of 85 mph on I-285 in rush hour traffic: If she is coming from North of Lanta she might be packing. If she is coming from South of Lanta she IS packing and is not afraid to use it. Weather Information: If it's 110 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend. If it's 10-20 degrees and sleeting/snowing, then watch out, Lanta residents consider this "demolition derby" day and will be all over the roads (front ways, back ways, etc). Please proceed with caution as you could be their next target. Seasonal Information: If you stick to the seats in your vehicle, it is Spring. If you need to let the car "get some air" standing next to it with the doors open for a minute before you can stick your upper body inside to crank it and get the air going, it is Summer. If you are sweating even with the windows down, driving 55 mph, it is Fall. If you finally turn the AC off and roll your windows up, it is Winter. General Information: If anyone offers you "chitlins " or "fat back" just say "No thank you". Do not ever speak during the song "Georgia" unless it is to sing along with the lyrics. This is like the State Song and will erupt in a brawl if everyone doesn't show "proper respect" to the band. This is especially true if alcohol is present. (Notice I didn't say "sold at this event",but "present") If you ask someone for a "coke", they will immediately ask you "what kind"? This is not a trick question. Tell them what you want: Sprite, Dr. Pepper, Root Beer - it's all "coke". All tea is sweet. If it's not sweet, you have crossed the Potomac River and are in the North ..... God Forbid !!!!! To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
