A collegue gave me the list below. It was too good not to share. (Especially if you've ever had to deal with employees, customers, students, ... Have I managed to offend everyone yet?) -jn- ======================================================================= Performance Evaluation Summaries The comment section on many evaluations is sometimes left blank because managers aren't sure what should be listed. Here's a collection of phrases you can add to upcoming evaluations to spice them up a bit. Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig. I would not allow this employee to breed. This employee is not really so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't-be. Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap. When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet. He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle. This young lady has delusions of adequacy. He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them. This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better. Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together. A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus. He doesn't have ulcers; he's a carrier. I would like to go hunting with him sometime. He's been working with glue too much. He would argue with a signpost. He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room. When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell. If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one. A photographic memory, but with the lens cover glued on. A prime candidate for natural de-selection. Donated his brain to science before he was done using it. Gates are down, lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming. Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it. If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week. If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean. One neuron short of a synapse. Takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes. The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.