[NetBehaviour] Can't talk in the pool

[Alan Sondheim via NetBehaviour]

Can't talk in the pool

http://www.alansondheim.org/timeofday.jpg

Eyes closed, the pool, trying to focus, think I have long covid,
not sure, the symptoms are there, all of them, in messy
(dis)order, the constant sudden descent into absolute
exhaustion, which is the meain , that's main one, mean as well,
following me everywhere, distending my thoughts, contrravening
whatever it is I might be thiniing, the words rise like scum to
the surface, mistakes and all, the swill, somewhere I wrote
about sweill before, not sure: swill wills however, that's
definite, the hum of the dehumidifier covering up any other
thoughts that might be rising to the surface, actually the
humidifer, not the de- and I wonder why that came first to mind,
te heat's coming on now "to be sure" and I can hear it, that
rush of air, earlier mice in the heating system, various sounds,
there's a nation here which can be comforting. I stop for a
moment. The thoughts, NOT THE WORDS, come forth,  in other
words, OTHER WORDS, it's that process I've been following, the
intermixture but having nothing to do with writing or reading,
nothing like that, it's all in the f9inger's ordinary dance by
themselves, errors and all. I let that _sink in_ as best I can,
When my fingers extend to the "farthest reaches" of the
keyboard, there I have a thought again: the shoreline, barrier,
corrisng-point to the normative of typing/language, being
living, surviving. I think with long covid perhaps I won't
survie that long and perhaps Idon't have long covid at all,
self-diagnosis always a trap.. From what I've read it's always a
trap, but the symptoms are there and in any case something's
radically wrong with my body, or so I think. The doctor will get
back to me eventually. It's been four months since covid
presented itself. It's long after the epidemic per se and I
never thought I'd get it,or it would get me. I stup, confused
for an instant, the flow is broken, there are errors, I'm not
sure where, something in my mind, subetrrraen ean, is dictating
this now, errror after error, there's no escape, I'm
heart-broken, distraught, there's no way out of this, the
horizon seems darker, forboding, perhaps I'm dreaming all of
this, the sound of the keys notwithstanding.

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