eight in any order http://www.alansondheim.org/numbers.jpg All of us: Our Horror What is this this holocaust? What is this? What is your name? So mark give me a list an enumeration of names. Give me names wherether alive or dead. Do not tell me. Give me a list of names. There is no our holocaust. There are holocausts. There are written and there are unwritten. There are tracks and untracks. There are untrackings. we all bear witness. bare witness. we are all already there. we are all on the precipice. now. the immanent, imminent. now. To bear witness, to bare witness. Danger accompanies it. There is always danger. Already there is always danger. For all of us. For weather. For the weather for all of us. I read and I read and I read about holocaust. I read and I read and I read and I tried to understand. I was born during the holocaust. A holocaust. I will see dates that remind me that I was one or two during a/the holocaust said I was there as a child but not there but somewhere else somewhere displaced during the holocaust I was somewhere displaced. And the more I read the more I realize I do not understand. I understand the mathematics the additions and subtractions. But I do not understand. I am in tears because I was not there. And I am in tears because I am here. It was always a displacement it was always something like a displacement. There is nothing I can do about that it is the obdurate will of history. There is nothing but a blankness a void annihilism and annihilation . It's so far and it's so close at the same time period it's right next door within me. It's right within me not next door but in this dwelling it is dwelling within me. I can't escape it I was born at the wrong time in the wrong place where I was born in such a way that I survived by not being there when I should have been there. I should have been there in space. I was there in time period I was there in time period and I can't live with this period I can't live with this period when I see this happening over and over again constantly the same thing the same old stories just not as organized. Just not as well done. Just not as violent on such a scale. As violent on any scale. Without recourse. But right now it is the same in so many places such a scale and no recourse. No resort to anything. Nothing. It is always what I wrote about years ago : annihilation!: to the limit! It was always that way and always will be that way as long as I live as long as it dwells like it can't serve within me . When I think what is to be done which is the age of a old question I have no answer whatsoever. I can't imagine what could be done what could be different. I am always on the verge and lip always on the edge of the cliff of the holocaust of a holocaust of a genocide. My work stems from this even while it pretends to be otherwise to be philosophy to be sexuality to be phenomenology to be geography to be nature to be the natural world. But there is nothing natural in this period there is nothing natural in the machine. Nothing natural at all. Nothing but the edge of a cliff which is so sharp that it drives all of us to extinction. My mind is being extinguished now. I can smell it. I can smell the flesh. I You smell that I should have been there. I can smell that I am displaced. That I am displaced from myself and from others. That I can't make heads or tails of this period that I can't say anything. That I am falling into a grave a mass grave. And I don't know the names of anyone. Not least of all myself. to read, to have read. we read, we read. past and present. the same letters. sounding different, past and present blur into one state. exactly that, one state. one state which does this. in all of us. this one state. It's so ugly to say this but I don't mind the mathematics. They don't hide anything they don't articulate anything. It's not as if there are a call to action. It's not as if there are anything like a knife cutting my throat. They're just there. They're just dead wood. They reflect things and I'm not sure what it is that they reflect. A call to inaction is just as bad with the one goes from 0 to 1 or whether 1 goes from 1 to 0A call or an absence of a call are coming forth or Going back going beyond reversal it's the same thing. In the end it's all dead. It's like watching and walking across lava that is just pure and continues to spill in-and-out of your waking and sleeping moments for your entire life. Knowing that some people are doing just that period knowing that some people are exactly there in that situation. Unable to do anything about that period unable to do anything but watch and feel accepted And I've guilt and hard that 1 was not there. This isn't the horror of not being a victim. It's an ontological horror it's a horror of being itself it's a horror when Being can produce such. ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... 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