---------------------------------
[24] Reserves hammer Geordies
---------------------------------
Posted Friday, November 24, 2000 by redend:
For a fuller resertves report, where the Old Fart casts his expect eye over those up
and coming and those coming back - click on the main menu:
Features > Match Reports > Reserves (3)
United's reserves gave the barcodes a real tonking last night ending with a 4-0 win.
Mike Phelan was forced into an early change with David May being replaced by Mark
Lynch after Superstar got a tight hamstring.
In the 51st minute United scored the first from an Alex Notman free-kick which John
O'Shea headed down for Greening to knock in.
Notman got the second himself, in the 58th minute, from the penalty-spot after a
handball and Ronnie Wallwork grabbed the third after great approach work by Notman and
Greening.
The final goal arrived with nine minutes to go - Michael Stewart firing in a corking
30 yarder.
United: van der Gouw, Clegg M. Studley, May (sub: Lynch), O'Shea, Stewart, Wallwork,
Greening, Healy, Notman, Djordjic. Subs not used: Webber, Rachubka, Szmid, Clegg G.
---------------------------------
[23] Superstar injured in reserves
---------------------------------
Posted Friday, November 24, 2000 by redend:
David May limped off only a few minutes into last night's 4-0 reserve team win over
Newcastle. He complained of a tight hamstring.
Superstar will now almost certainly miss the League Cup match at Sunderland on
Tuseday. He had been building up to full match fitness playing in the reserves and had
hoped to make his first team comeback at the Stadium of Light.
---------------------------------
[22] Angel falls for Becks
---------------------------------
Posted Friday, November 24, 2000 by redend:
Charlie's Angels and Ally McBeal star Lucy Liu has revealed she is a big fan of
Manchester United. Hmm - Zoe Ball mark II?
Gorgeous Lucy, born in New York, started supporting United after learning she had
relatives in Manchester. The actress added that her family had bought her Manchester
United memorabilia, including a kit.
Lucy also adds that her favourite player is David Beckham and says of the England
superstar: "I think he's lovely and he is definitely the best player."
---------------------------------
[21] Ruddock is "too fat" - now it's official
---------------------------------
Posted Friday, November 24, 2000 by redend:
Former Reds hate figure - Neil Ruddock - has been told he is too fat to make a swift
comeback at Crystal Palace. Ruddock has struggled to keep his weight down to the 15
1/2 stone specified in his contract and has been told he must shed a few more pounds
before he can contemplate a comeback.
Something we've all known for a long time - Neil Ruddock is too fat to play football.
Of course Eric himself was quick to point this out to the Neanderthal lookalike when
the fat one was playing for Liverpool at OT. After Ruddock crept up behind Eric and
flattened down his collar - Eric illustrated the magnitude of Ruddock's flabulous gut
with a classic Gallic gesture that had "leave it fat boy" written all over it.
---------------------------------
[20] John Barnes backs standing campaign
---------------------------------
Posted Friday, November 24, 2000 by redend:
>From The Daily Mail 24/11/00 (Thanks to Ryan on IMUSA mailing list)
John Barnes, a horrified onlooker at the hillsborough disaster, has called for the
re-introduction of terraces. Barnes says "I think terraces should be brought back, you
would get real fans back into the ground, rather than corporate people. With terraces,
the atmosphere will be much better."
Barnes will appear on the BBC's Weekend Watchdog tonight, where the programme will
discuss the reintroduction of limited safe standing areas versus all-seater stadia.
They highlight what IMUSA etc. have been saying for ages about the situation in
Germany (2006 world cup hosts) where 17 of their 18 stadium have standing areas for
the home fans.
First Divison leaders Fulham if promoted will be be allowed to retain their standing
areas until their new ground is completed.
* Weekend Watchdog - BBC - 7pm tonight
---------------------------------
[19] News from the Cock Exchange?
---------------------------------
Posted Friday, November 24, 2000 by redend:
Cable TV viewers in Las Vegas got more than they bargained for when pornographic
images replaced stock tips (ooh) on a financial news channel.
Las Vegas area cable operator, Cox (err) Communications, was left wondering how the
wires had got crossed, pre-empting CNBC's broadcast with a shot of writhing naked
bodies from the Spice channel.
Steve Schorr, a Cox vice (Matron) president, said the company was investigating. "We
want to first find out what took place, then make sure it happens again"
And we always wondered what got Martin Edwards interested in the Stock Market.
---------------------------------
[18] Ugly people earn less
---------------------------------
Posted Friday, November 24, 2000 by redend:
Research by the Guildhall University London finally explains Goater's overdraught and
why all Scousers are skint.
If average male earnings are £20,000 a year, an ugly man would only earn £17,000. Tall
people out-earn the short by as much as ten per cent for men and five per cent for
women.
---------------------------------
[17] Now Potato-head bids for Keano!
---------------------------------
Posted Friday, November 24, 2000 by redend:
Not our Royston though - now that would be ridiculous.
Mind you the chances of Robbie Keane coming to the Massives from the San Siro look
equally laughable. Maybe when he's in his forties with dodgy knees?
---------------------------------
[16] Bok-sick of smog monsters
---------------------------------
Posted Friday, November 24, 2000 by redend:
Middlesboro's Alen Boksic stayed with the Panathinaikos players on Tuesday, and is
said to fancy a move to Athens
Boksic spent Tuesday evening at the Panithinaikos team hotel in Manchester after they
lost at OT.
---------------------------------
[15] Haaland signs own death warrant?
---------------------------------
Posted Friday, November 24, 2000 by redend:
Alfie Haaland, has been gobbing off too much even before the derby and after his
antics during and after the derby I doubt if the straps will be able to hold the
Gorton lad much longer.
Haaland doesn't know when to shut his trap - after he was slagged for kicking the ball
at an injured Phil Neville he said: "I don't know if I want to even make a comment on
this. [But you will won't you]. Its too stupid. Its ridiculous, and to make it clear
I didn't kick the ball in his head with any purpose!" [No - you kicked it at his back
- intentionally].
He also says that he doesn't like the Neville boys too much [raisng his handbag to
just under his chin] "Gary Neville said before the season started that United should
have been allowed to skip the first phase of the champions league. And then they are
close to being knocked out. They are a good team, but they have to learn to lose. [No
- Alfie - that is your speciality - and your team's - 24 years experience] United
have a lot of top players, but those two are not amongst them. Every team probably
needs some grey mouse."
[Thanks Alfie - YOU ARE THE WEAKEST LINK - GOODBYE.]
OK - you can get him now Nicky.
---------------------------------
[14] Singapore - Superstore - Supertour
---------------------------------
Posted Friday, November 24, 2000 by redend:
United are set to go to Singapore on July 24 next year as part of an Asian tour that
includes Bangkok and Kuala Lumpur.
The Football Association of Singapore received a formal offer yesterday from ProEvents
Management, United's event organiser.
The match was promised by United chief executive Peter Kenyon at the official opening
of the Manchester United Store in Tanglin Road in September.
Next year's visit will be the United's second in 14 years.
---------------------------------
[13] Twatto strikes back
---------------------------------
Posted Friday, November 24, 2000 by redend:
Danny Tiatto has hit back after being labelled a coward by Phil Neville. The Aussie
hacker was attacked by Neville for tackling him goolie-high in Saturday's derby.
"What Phil said about me is a disgrace," [but true] said Tiatto. "The ball was there
to be won and I went in for it without any intention of hurting the player." [Yes -
but which ball were you going for Danny - one of the one's nestling in Phil's jock
strap by the looks of it.]
Release Nicholas Butt. Did you see Twatto crap himself when Butty stood toe to toe
with him?
---------------------------------
[12] Rio - how much?
---------------------------------
Posted Friday, November 24, 2000 by redend:
Following the Sheepmen's bizarre bid for Rio Ferdinand we have a rundown of the top
transfers from Reuters - sorry its in Dollars.
"Cue the charts countdown music Smashy" - "You betcha":
Rio Ferdinand's projected $25.5 million move from West Ham to Leeds would put him 12th
in this list but make him the most expensive defender ahead of Dutchman Jaap Stam who
cost us 10.75 million pounds ($15.25 million) in 1998. If the deal goes through,
Ferdinand would become the most expensive player in British soccer history, beating
the $22.4 million figure fetched by Newcastle's Alan Shearer and Chelsea's Jimmy Floyd
Hasselbaink.
Player Year From To Fee $million
Luis Figo 2000 Barcelona to Real Madrid $56.1
Hernan Crespo 2000 Parma to Lazio $54.1
Christian Vieri 1999 Lazio to Inter Milan $50.0
Nicolas Anelka 1999 Arsenal to Real Madrid $35.7
Denilson 1997 Sao Paulo to Betis $35.0
Batistuta 2000 Fiorentina to AS Roma $33.8
Amoroso 1999 Udinese to Parma $33.1
Anelka 2000 Real Madrid to PSG $31.2
Vieri 1998 Atletico Madrid to Lazio $28.0
Ronaldo 1997 Barcelona to Inter Milan $27.9
Rivaldo 1997 Deportivo to Barcelona $26.7
Andriy Shevchenko 1999 Dynamo Kiev to AC Milan $25.0
Alan Shearer 1996 Blackburn to Newcastle United $22.4
Floyd Hasselbaink 2000 Atletico Madrid to Chelsea $22.4
Gianluigi Lentini 1992 Torino to AC Milan $21.5
Dwight Yorke 1998 Aston Villa to Manchester Utd $20.5
Ronaldo 1996 PSV Eindhoven to Barcelona $20.0
Marcelo Salas 1998 River Plate to Lazio $19.7
Juan Veron 1998 Sampdoria to Parma $19.7
Gianluca Vialli 1992 Sampdoria to Juventus $19.6
Ralph Milne 2000 Retired FC to Man city 37p
---------------------------------
[11] Jesus refuses to save city
---------------------------------
Posted Friday, November 24, 2000 by redend:
city were after Villareal keeper Jesus Unanua as a deputy for Nicky Weaver (Jesus - he
must be shit then) but the Spanish Club just rolled around laughing when the massives
made an approach.
---------------------------------
[10] Transfer rumour #489569 Emerton
---------------------------------
Posted Friday, November 24, 2000 by redend:
Brett Emerton is reportedly a target of United and Leeds. The 21-year-old Feyenoord
midfielder replaced Mark Viduka in attack for the game against Scotland and scored a
cracking first goal for The Aussies in their 2-0 win.
We were sniffing around the captain of Australia's Olympic squad in the summer but he
went to Feyenoord instead after they agreed to sign him witout a trial.
Feyenoord have him on a four year contract but ....... contract - schmontracts .......
as they say in the European Courts nowadays.
---------------------------------
[9] You should have signed for a big club
---------------------------------
Posted Friday, November 24, 2000 by redend:
Young Danish goalkeeper, Jesper Christiansen, chose a small Scottish club when he
could have signed for us. And why? Because he wouldn't get first team football
straight away at United like he would at Rangers.
Jesper (The Judge) Christiansen was warming the bench at the weekend for the match
versus Dunfermline.
He wailed: "I am very surprised I haven't heard anything from the manager as an
explanation for the goalkeeper switch. I realise that Stefan is established at the
club. I may do as well as possible in practice, but I do not understand how Stefan can
get to play after just three training sessions."
Maybe he is better than you?
---------------------------------
[8] Ugly scenes at the San Siro (not Goater)
---------------------------------
Posted Friday, November 24, 2000 by redend:
The match beteen Milan and Galatasaray ended with ugly scenes at the San Siro on
Tuesday with eight players involved in a scrap and coins and other objects (probably
lighters, oranges and bags of piss in our experience) being thrown onto the pitch.
The incident appeared to be sparked when AC Milan pressed for a late winner and one of
their forwards appeared to follow through on the Galatasaray goalkeeper Kerem Inan.
Now that's what I call a dirty tackle.
---------------------------------
[7] Transfer rumour #34567a (again) Nelisse
---------------------------------
Posted Friday, November 24, 2000 by redend:
As we reported yesterday we have been on the trail of AZ Alkmaar striker Robin
Nelisse. A bit more info: the 22 year old has hit 10 goals this season. He who only
joined from Feyenoord in the summer after a loan spell at Cambuur Leeuwarden last
term. Fergie's brother, Martin, has made a personal check on the player, watching him
score in the 2-1 victory over FC Utrecht. That'll be along with the other 500 players
he watches a year then.
---------------------------------
[6] Transfer rumour #34523 - Pa Madouh-Kah
---------------------------------
Posted Friday, November 24, 2000 by redend:
As they sing in Norway - "There's only one Pa Madouh-Kah, One Pa Madouh-Kah - ah,
There's only ..... enough.
Norwegian defender Pa Madouh-Kah had an impressive trial over here last week and he's
expected to be called back to play in a reserve game.
Valrenga director Even Haugen said:
"I've already got a new letter from Manchester United where they express an interest
in getting him back over. If we can find a solution with his college, he will travel
back next week."
He's expected over on Monday for 10 days of training with the first team and a couple
of reserves games. The Old Fart will run his eye over him for RED NEWS and give his
considered opinion in due course.
---------------------------------
[5] League records Derby and Us
---------------------------------
Posted Friday, November 24, 2000 by redend:
If you can decipher the formatting of these league records you win a prawn sandwich or
some tat from the megastore.
Home / Away
P W D L F A W D L F A GD Pts
14 6 1 0 24 04 4 2 1 12 06 26 33 Manchester Utd
14 1 5 1 10 12 0 2 5 08 16 -10 10 Derby
---------------------------------
[4] Bald Eagle speaks words of "wisdom" to F1
---------------------------------
Posted Friday, November 24, 2000 by redend:
Steve McClaren's former boss - Jim Smith - has told him he should not go for the top
job at United when Fergie steps down. At least not yet. Smith reckons that the level
of expectation created under Ferguson's reign will leave the man who takes his place
with a hell of a task.
"I would tell Steve not to take the job, to wait for the next opportunity and possibly
have a go after him," Smith said. "If I was him I wouldn't take it. (Err - James - you
would not be offered it.) "Don't follow Alex would be my advice to him and anyone else
who may covet his position. Everything there has been created by Alex and no one has
achieved such sustained success. No one has done it for as long as he has. Not even
the Busby Babes or the great Liverpool sides kept it going for as long as United have
under Alex."
"If you look at what he did in Scotland before coming to England you recognise he is
the greatest manager we have had in Britain. Matt Busby, Bill Shankly, Jock Stein and
Alex Ferguson are all Scottish and that's no coincidence. [No - they were all born
there]. The Scots have a tremendous feel for football, as well as a no-nonsense
approach. They want to work and they want to be winners."
"There is a big difference between being a coach and being a manager, and there's a
difference to being manager of a club like Derby and being manager of United. Alex has
redefined the extent of these differences and the man who replaces him faces a
monumental challenge."
---------------------------------
[3] Newcastle - you thought our PLC was crap?
---------------------------------
Posted Friday, November 24, 2000 by redend:
Some people think the PLC has destroyed the heart of the club with crass merchandising
and putting money above all else. But look no further than the barcodes. Their latest
slap in the face is to hold their AGM hundreds of miles away from Newcastle - in
London on a Friday.
Don't get any ideas Kenyon.
---------------------------------
[2] RN Daily News by Email Registration
---------------------------------
Posted Friday, November 24, 2000 by redend:
For those of you who've tried to register for email and received nothing - then try
again - and if you have problems send us an email at RED NEWS - [EMAIL PROTECTED]
- don't be shy.
---------------------------------
[1] That derby day bitterness lingers on -
---------------------------------
Posted Friday, November 24, 2000 by redend:
- but we think we can stretch it out until the massives arrive at OT. The FA are still
hoping to turn a blind eye to the missiles and Twatto's challenge.
So for those who want to have another pop at the old farts at Lancaster Gate here's
the address to contact them from again:
(link:http://194.176.223.50/reference/contact/index.htm)
http://194.176.223.50/reference/contact/index.htm
We're not suggesting you irritate them with lots of messages - you know its your duty.
