SOUTHERN vs. NORTHERN FOOTBALL Women's Accessories:
NORTH: ChapStick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the front pocket. SOUTH: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, waterproof mascara, and a fifth of Captain Morgan/Crown. Money is not necessary - that's what dates are for. Stadium Size: NORTH: College football stadiums hold 20,000 people. SOUTH: High school football stadiums hold 20,000 people. Campus Decor: NORTH: Statues of founding fathers. SOUTH: Statues of Heisman trophy winners. Homecoming Queen: NORTH: Also a physics major. SOUTH: Also Miss America. Cheerleaders: NORTH: If you are slightly coordinated, you make the varsity squad. SOUTH: You begin cheer camp at age two, complete with ballet, dance, & gymnastic training. Getting Tickets: NORTH: 5 days before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus and purchase tickets. SOUTH: 5 months before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus & put name on the waiting list. Friday Classes After a Thursday Night Game: NORTH: Students and teachers not sure they're going to the game, because they have classes on Friday. SOUTH: Teachers cancel Friday classes because they don't want to see the few hung-over students that might actually make it to class. Parking: NORTH: An hour before game time, the University opens the campus for game parking. SOUTH: RVs sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for the weekend festivities. The really faithful arrive on Tuesday. Game Day: NORTH: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV. SOUTH: Every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast, and rushes over to where ESPN is broadcasting "Game Day Live" to get on camera and wave to the idiots up north. Tailgating: NORTH: Raw meat on a grill, beer with lime in it, listening to local radio station with truck tailgate down. SOUTH: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking accompanied by live performance by a band, who come over during breaks and ask for a hit off bottle of bourbon. Getting to the Stadium: NORTH: You ask "Where's the stadium?" When you find it, you walk right in. SOUTH: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day it becomes the state's third largest city. Concessions: NORTH: Drinks served in a paper cup, filled to the top with soda. SOUTH: Drinks served in a plastic cup with the home team's mascot on it, filled less than halfway with soda, to ensure enough room for Captain Morgan/Crown. When National Anthem is Played: NORTH: Stands are less than half full, and less than half of them stand up. SOUTH: 100,000 fans, all standing, sing along in perfect four-part harmony. The Smell in the Air After the First Score: NORTH: Nothing changes. SOUTH: Fireworks, with a touch of Captain Morgan/Crown. Commentary (Male): NORTH: "Nice play." SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs." Commentary (Female): NORTH: "My, this certainly is a violent sport." SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs." Announcers: NORTH: Neutral and paid. SOUTH: Announcer harmonizes with the crowd in the fight song, with a tear in his eye because he is so proud of his team. After the Game: NORTH: The stadium is empty way before the game ends. SOUTH: Another rack of ribs goes on the smoker. While somebody goes to the nearest package store for more bourbon; planning begins for next week's game. _______________________________________________ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics E-mail Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan - Wear a Cup! To unsubscribe or make changes to your subscription, please visit http://rolltidefan.net/mailman/listinfo/rtf_rolltidefan.net
