Stolen from another but worth it....
Subject: [bamafan] John Kerry to coach Gators!!!
> John Kerry to coach Gators!!!
>
>
> Gainesville, FL - In an effort to win votes, in the critical swing state
> of Florida, the Kerry/Edwards team has volunteered to replace fired
> coach Ron Zook for the remainder of the season.
>
> "When I played football as a young man in Vietnam, I did not hesitate to
> beat the Bulldogs and I won't now. Floridians are tired of this failed
> Zook administration. They continued to call the wrong play at the wrong
> time in the wrong game. It's time for them to come clean with this Gator
> nation."
>
> When asked what he would do differently, however, the senator replied "I
> would have done everything differently. I would have recruited the same
> players and called the same plays, but other than that I would have done
> everything differently. We should not have tried to go it alone against
> Mississippi State. The Zook administration has failed us. "In fact, I
> actually voted to go for the two point conversion before I voted against
> it."
>
> Problems immediately arose, however at their first practice on Monday.
> When a player was hurt and taken to the hospital, offensive coordinator
> John Edwards unexplainably chased the ambulance out of the stadium. It
> is unclear what his motives were, but was reported as saying "No longer
> will there be two Gator nations. No longer will there be winners and
> losers at these football games. We will ensure that every player is a
> winner."
>
> The coach would not lay out specific ideas about how to turn around the
> season for the Gators, but ensured everyone that he "has a plan." He
> insists it involves improving the strength and conditioning program over
> several years, but just recently he has voted to cut funding for the
> weight lifting equipment by over 6 billion dollars. However, he's going
> to upgrade other facilities by raising ticket prices only for those who
> contribute over $20,000 per year. Other details of his "plan" have not
> yet been revealed.
>
> But, at least he's not Ron Zook
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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