As some of you may know, I have a good friend named Murph. He has no
Internet service, (lives in a tree house) otherwise he would be out on the
exchange continually advising a lot of you with your problems. I visited
him last evening (he had just corked a fresh batch of "Bathtub Gin" and I
was invited over to sample some). Anyway, I find he is very interested in
hearing about other folks laments so he can use his unique ability, by
cutting to the chase, analyzing the problem and coming up with a sure cure
for the person in pain. I thought Mr. Swingle's problem was a worthy one
and proceeded to indulge Murph to see what he could come up with. As usual,
Murph immediately (a few good belts of his recent Batch of Gin of course
preceded any pondering on Swingle's dilemma) jumped right in and the
following, is his solution for Mr. Swingle. If any others of you might have
a similar or even totally unique situation, Murph has advised me he is now
taking on new clientele and for a small fee would be more than happy to
help.
Cliff Lindgren
Dear Mr. Osohigh, as you know, I am not privy to RCSE, but occasionally
get offered little tidbits so crucial to the survival of RCSE, that I
feel compelled to help those in need and beg you to post my advise.
Once again, it is my pleasure to provide Mr. Bill Swingle of Janesville,
California the following. (per usual, there will be no charge for this
service.) Text follows:
Bill-
Murphy here to try and help ya out once again dude. Set back in yer
chair and listen up. I've seen your kind of pain before. It starts out
as a little discontent by sitting there in Row 17, Seat E. Oh sure, you
think that the little white ~envelope~ (some call it a "barf-bag") in
the seat back in front of you is meant for "just anybody". Well, it's
not! Trust me on this one Bill, the airlines are NOT trying to make you
feel small or insignificant by placing you in Row 17, Seat E. If you
don't believe me, the next time you fly, specifically request "17-E".
After you stow your carry-on baggage and set back in that recliner, take
a moment to get a close look at that barf-bag. Open it, and turn it
inside out. Ask the Stewardess, I mean Flight Attendant, for a
magnifying glass AND a shot glass. Put the shot glass to use five or
six times before you employ the use of the magnifying glass. Walla! If
you squint your eyes, you will actually see that the inside of the white
envelope has embossed in it:
"For the Personal Use of Bill Swingle". Now, if that doesn't re-kindle
your love and appreciation of flying, nothing will!
Bill, between you and me, there is a possibility that it is not as
simple as that above. There is a fairly rare disease referred to as
DBS, and unfortunately your symptoms appear to mimic those of classic
DBS patients.
DBS, or "Depraved Bus Syndrome" could be your problem. I noted in your
second paragraph, and I quote you: "The aircraft had ceased being
airplanes and turned into little more than buses". Bill, that
statement in itself should be a sure tip-off to trained specialists in
DBS. Although there are no known antidotes for the physical composites
of DBS, there is a "self-help" mental exercise that has been 99.9%
effective in a test group of willing and un-paid participants. While
it is difficult to solve every disease and affliction known to man over
the internet, your buddy Murphy here has one heck of a record going. To
get a better appreciation of Deprived Bus Syndrome, answer the following
few questions:
1. Which carried more passengers?
A. Sopwith Camel
B. Greyhound Bus Lines
C. Elvis Lines
D. None of the above.
2. Who carries more passengers between Reno and Winnemucca per year?
A. Airplanes
B. Buses
C. Sopwith Camels
D. All of the above
3. If you had to jump out using a parachute, which would be the safest
to jump out of:
A. An Airplane
B. A Bus
C. A relationship with a bi-curious Girlfriend
D. A Ferris Wheel going the wrong way
If you answered "A" to all three questions, you need to stop flying toy
airplanes. If you answered "B" to all three questions, you are correct
(and can probably get a scholarship to "Bus Buddies University" (and
immediate salvation from DBS, by the way!) If you answered "C" to all
the questions, you might consider running as an officer or for a
position with the Executive Committee of The Northern California Slope
Soarers Club. If you answered "D" to any of the questions, call me
1-800-GET-ACLU and I'll see what I can do.
Hope this helps.
Murph "always here to help" Murphy
-----Original Message-----
From: Bill Swingle [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]
Sent: Tuesday, March 01, 2005 9:32 AM
To: soaring@airage.com
Subject: [RCSE] Planes become busses.
I recently flew on 6 separate commercial flights. Not a noteworthy trip but
it ranged from smaller airports up to Chicago O'Hare. Quite a few take offs
and landings (the fun parts).
Sadly, I came to a realization. I have lost that sense of
wonder/joy/fun/etc. The aircraft had ceased being airplanes and turned into
little more than busses.
I used to enjoy feeling the gear retracting and the flaps dropping. I'd
occasionally paste my face against the window like a small child (discreetly
of course). But now, it was just a bus! Little more. Gad, what a sorry state
of affairs.
Bill Swingle
Janesville, CA
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