Ah, me. Why don’t things go our way.
Why don’t people act as we want? Life would be so much easier and
simpler. You know a prayer is not so much a request as it is a
reminder. Take Reinhold Neibuhr’s “Serenity
Prayer”: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I
cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know
the difference.” It’s not just a prayer for recovery of
addicts. It’s a prayer we all should say, for we’re all
addicted to denying a basic truth about life and life in the classroom:
life is complex, complicated, and impermanent. It’s a realization
prayer of the truth that try to control as we may, there are things, immutable
things, built into the nature of everything over which we are powerless.
It’s a prayer for acquiring an unconditional “yes” to living
and of getting on with life rather than getting caught up in and thrown about
my life. It’s a prayer for knowing when to hold and when to
fold. It’s a reminder that happiness is determined more by the
state of one’s mind than by one’s external conditions,
circumstances, or events It’s a reminder that the key to
happiness in the classroom, if not in all of life, is in our own hands.
Grumbling doesn’t make it better. Wishing upon a star doesn’t
change things. Making up horror stories doesn’t improve
things. If anything, they all make things worse. They bog the
spirit down with their own tiresome and wearisome weights in the muck of
despair. They scan the radar scope for the next impending crisis. They
cloud the sky and block out the sun and the stars. I’ll just say that she, a student, had chosen
the grade over doing what was right. I was convinced she wouldn’t.
She did. The grade meant everything to her. And so, she was willing
to do anything to get it, to pay a lot of her integrity for that transcript
inscription. I not sure she really realized what she had done to
herself. She wasn’t the first. Nevertheless, it hurt. I
was disappointed. I struggled to be empathetic. For a while I
flayed myself with trying to find what words or gestures I could have used to
guide onto that right road. I felt a momentary tide of “why bother”
rise inside me. It was all for naught. She made me realize that while
there are limits to my grand vision of doing good and making a difference I
shouldn’t hesitate to pursue that vision. It also drove home the
realization that while I don’t respect or love her choice, I can still
respect and love her as a fallible human being. It underlined the fact
that can’t allow myself to create a distance, a disconnect, merely
because this situation didn’t go my way. I can’t shut down or
even close a bit. I have to be willing to remain open, to fight to
maintain that unconditional connectivity
with others from which I draw my strength, enjoyment of life and teaching, and
through which I make my contribution of offering support, encouragement,
strength, and joy to others. We live too often what I’ll call a life of
“conditional ‘yeses.’” That is, if things go our
way, we’ll be happy; if people what we want, we’ll be affectionate
and appreciative. But, what would happen if we made those
“yeses” unconditional, that is, only if things turn out the way we
want? Do we loose faith? Do we tear at our clothing, don sackcloth,
put ashes on our heads, scream out that students aren’t like they used to
be, and burn out? If I let such regret of this student’s choice let
me down, if I let it be a source of weighty discouragement, if I let it interfere
with the pursuit of my purpose and meaning, how do I go on with everything I’ve
got to give? I mean this student was a walking serenity
prayer. Dealing with people is a very complex issue. There’s
no one proverbial size that fits all, no one formula for dealing with all
issues. You’ve got to be supple. She reminded me that things
don’t always go according to my plan, that people don’t always do
what I want or expect, that I don’t always make the right read, that I
will make mistakes and have lapses of judgment, that I can’t control
anything or anyone other than myself, that people won’t always take the
right road, there will be disappointment, there will always be choices to make,
and that who I am is both determined and revealed by how I choose to come to terms
with these truths. So, do I struggle to ignore and get around these
truths or do I accept them. My own answer is in learning the toughest
lesson of all: just accept those truths of life. I believe there’s a vitality in each of us. It’s more
than a spark. It’s a bonfire. It’s an urge toward
wholeness, a passion for transforming, a commitment to evolving. Its
makes us go on, start all over, not give up, not give in with a “who’s
next?” We teachers are a Spring people valiantly living finding
bits of hope and renewal each day in our own experiences. So, why do so many of
us surrender, burn out, lapse into resignation. Here’s my take on it as I explained to the
faculty at So, would you be surprised if I treat this student
with gratitude. Would you be stunned if I told you that I see her aas a
benefactor? It’s the struggle with life, that “it’s
hard” thing, that makes us who we are, that keeps us on our toes, that
keeps us from doing things unthinkingly and unmindfully in our sleep.
That’s why “it’s hard” is so important. And, this
student tested me. Yet, she gave me the chance to practice humility, patience,
and empathy. Ready or not, she gave me the opportunity to take a fresh
look at my own beliefs, practices, purposes, and meaning. As a teacher, I
still believe in the sacredness and worth of each and every student; I still
believe I am here to help each and every student help him/herself become the
person he or she is capable of becoming; I still believe in the value of
empathy; I still believe in a policy of faith, hope, love, and kindness; I
still teach from the vantage point of that value system; I still allow myself
great flexibility and freedom to deal with the vast array of human complexity
in the classroom. Victory Frankl, said “Man is ready and willing
to shoulder any suffering as soon and as long as he can see a meaning in it.”
He observed in the Nazi concentration camps that the people most likely to
survive the unimaginable atrocities weren’t the physically strong, but
those who drew their strength from and based their survival on the strength
derived from a sense of purpose and meaning. I guess he meant that
finding and clinging to meaning and purpose is a powerful means of helping us
cope with those “hard” and trying times. He also meant we
should search for our “why” and have a sense of meaning and purpose
in the good times when things are going well in order to be better prepared for
those times when things don’t go well. That is, the attitudes and outlook we cultivate in advance may well
decide how well we recognize the difficulties and how we let them affects us
when they strike. Yeah, a prayer is a reminder. I ought to send
this student a gift of thanks. She taught me that my “pain”
may not be what I wanted, but it was a pain I obviously needed in order to be
more accepting of these life truths, balanced with my own sense of purpose and
meaning, without getting down. Instead of letting them disappoint,
frustrate, sadden, consume, I’ll use them to continue to bring out the
best in me, to strengthen my courage and compassion for others with less fear.
I can now better and more serenely balance reaching out to touch a student and not
being able to touch a student however I stretch my reach. It’s
a kind of what someone called disrobing myself of my centrist ego. It’s
understanding that we should appreciate what we have and have done rather
seeking merely to have what we want for the sake of having and wanting. This
student made me realize even more what that ‘40s tune said about
accentuating the positive and eliminating the negative, to teach by looking at
my assets and see how I can still reach out, touch, and help transform. It’s
a kind of plea bargaining or settling out of court with the condition of
existence. It frees me from any compulsion to control and have things only my
way. It allows me to continually give it all I’ve got. It
gives me the strength to be authentic. It gives me the courage to hold
nothing back. It animates my unconditional faith, belief, and love.
She also reminded me not to let things I cannot affect
get in the way of and interfere with things I can affect. If I want to be
in control of myself, then I simply have to be open to events as they happen
and not get bowled over by events that happen. It’s not a passive or
surrendering letting the chips fall where they may. It’s a matter
of picking up those fallen chips with a greater resolve, using them to make new
bets with a greater enthusiasm, and continuing to stay in the game with a
greater soft sensitivity and hard determination. Every moment
prepares shapes the next. Happiness, satisfaction, fulfillment can be
achieved through the systematic training of our hearts and minds by letting our
attitudes and outlooks endure the necessary aces and strains and even pain of “pumping
iron.” My pain of disappointment, in the long run may not be as bad
as I thought at first, for as I can do what I just said, my teaching report
card will more likely than not be straight As: acceptance, attention,
appreciation, admiration, affection. Make
it a good day. Louis
Louis
Schmier
www.therandomthoughts.com Department
of
History
www.halcyon.com/arborhts/louis.html (229-333-5947)
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