Claudia and others, I didn't receive Nancy Melucci's initial post either, but read it at the bottom of Tim's reply. I don't recall this happening before, so hope it's just a quirk. Or maybe that's what happened to two previous posts of mine that got no replies? Beth Benoit Plymouth State University New Hampshire
On Mon, Sep 1, 2014 at 11:51 PM, Claudia Stanny <csta...@uwf.edu> wrote: > > > > > > Nancy, > > Given your institution's policies, you had no choice but to drop her if > she did not show up. I expect she had the same experience in multiple > classes if she was out of town for a funeral, which probably adds to her > stress but should send her a clear message that this is what happens at > this institution. > > Now if yours was the only class she missed and was dropped from, that > raises a new set of questions, doesn't it? If she were out of town, > wouldn't she have missed multiple classes? Just asking. . . . > > > I think you were most kind and generous to offer to reinstate her. But I > know how rigid the rules about attendance can be at two-year institutions. > I learned recently that in Florida, students who miss more than a certain > number of classes must be withdrawn by the instructor, even if the student > is doing well in the class. Something about the regulations related to > financial aid awards at 2-year schools. (The four-year schools don't have > this policy, so it came as quite a surprise to me when this matter came up > in a faculty development activity that involved multiple people from 2-year > schools.) > > Perhaps if you had reinforced the message that this was not entirely your > decision by telling her you would *attempt* to get her reinstated, > assuming you could persuade the registrar or whoever to accept her > documentation, you might have gotten a less hostile response. (And it would > have saved you some additional grief if your attempts to reinstate her hit > a bureaucratic wall.) But I wouldn't guarantee that! :-) > > > Claudia > > BTW > > Anyone else on TIPS not getting all of the messages? > I received Tim's response but never saw Nancy's question. I even looked in > my spam filter. And no, I do not have a special filter set for Nancy! :-) > > > > > > > _____________________________________________ > > Claudia J. Stanny, Ph.D. > Director > Center for University Teaching, Learning, and Assessment > University of West Florida > Pensacola, FL 32514 > > Phone: (850) 857-6355 (direct) or 473-7435 (CUTLA) > > csta...@uwf.edu > > CUTLA Web Site: http://uwf.edu/offices/cutla/ <http://uwf.edu/cutla/> > Personal Web Pages: http://uwf.edu/cstanny/website/index.htm > > > On Mon, Sep 1, 2014 at 10:05 PM, Tim Shearon <tshea...@collegeofidaho.edu> > wrote: > >> >> >> >> >> >> >> Nancy >> >> Short version- you are doing the right thing and it’s her environmental >> factors and lack of self-reflection that lead to her response. (I.e., it’s >> her – not you) >> >> >> >> Long version: I’ve had exactly the same thing happen – even getting >> abuse from a parent for being “heartless in their time of need”. My >> syllabus stated that if you must miss you MUST notify me at the earliest >> possible time (she waited a week and a half). And it clearly stated that if >> you have to miss an exam due to an emergency you will not be allowed to >> make it up if you wait past the day of the exam to notify me- for any >> reason. Because I believed her but was trying to remain fair to the other >> students, I emailed her that she could give me a name and town and I’d be >> happy to just look it up in lieu of actually asking her to print the >> obituary out. She replied that I was being cruel. I did not take the bait >> but explained that I was being fair to the others and going beyond the >> syllabus to accommodate her. That’s when her dad emailed and voice mailed >> me to tell me what a cad I was and “how would you feel”? Still didn’t >> defend myself but called him to explain the situation. He finally said, “I >> guess we all get a bit testy at these times.” Grief. Assuming she’s being >> honest and not deflecting at being pushed to defend an untruth, I think you >> are being fair and she’s grieving but not reflecting on her behavior enough >> to recognize that her emotions come largely from that and not from you. You >> are, I think, being fair with her. >> >> Tim >> >> >> >> _______________________________ >> >> Timothy O. Shearon, PhD >> >> Professor, Department of Psychology >> >> The College of Idaho >> >> Caldwell, ID 83605 >> >> email: tshea...@collegeofidaho.edu >> >> >> >> teaching: intro to neuropsychology; psychopharmacology; general; history >> and systems >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> *From:* drnanjo [mailto:drna...@aol.com] >> *Sent:* Monday, September 01, 2014 8:43 PM >> *To:* Teaching in the Psychological Sciences (TIPS) >> *Subject:* Re: [tips] The season of the deceased grandparent >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> Hello everyone - >> >> Hope you had a nice summer and holiday weekend. >> >> So, I need to know if my two choices in a matter are the dichotomy of >> total patsy and heartless b-word. >> >> As I've often joked to students, May and December are bad times for >> grandparents (and other distant relatives) who seem to expire in droves >> right in time to make it impossible to sit for a final or complete a term >> project. >> >> A close second is the first class of the term...at community colleges, >> you must show up on the first day to keep your seat, otherwise according to >> regs we can (and must) give your seat away...to one of what is usually many >> students on a long wait list. >> >> SO...I had a student not show this week and when she finally contacted me >> I'd already dropped her. She said her grandmother had died. I said, I >> dropped you but if you can verify the story I'll reinstate you. And I got a >> fairly abusive email back. >> >> I suppose my main mistake was not simply saying "you are dropped" BUT I >> thought (perhaps wrongly) that I was giving her a chance if she was >> truthful. Now in retrospect it just seems like I should have said "too >> bad.' I suppose it might have also seemed just as heartless as "Too bad." I >> don't know. I hate being played. And I hate being mean. Avoid-avoid >> conflict. >> >> I also suppose I am experiencing a certain amount of burnout due to many >> environmental factors...not just students but other aspects of the current >> state of my work environment. So this is probably a tendril extended for >> support as well as to find out a little more about how you all react to and >> handle the dead fill-in-the-distant relative of your choice, all-purpose >> vague but serious-sounding "family emergency" and the rest of the excuse >> tropes. >> >> Welcome back. >> >> Thanks. >> >> Nancy Melucci >> Long Beach CIty College >> Long Beach CA >> >> --- >> >> You are currently subscribed to tips as: tshea...@collegeofidaho.edu. >> >> To unsubscribe click here: >> http://fsulist.frostburg.edu/u?id=13545.bae00fb8b4115786ba5dbbb67b9b177a&n=T&l=tips&o=38171 >> >> (It may be necessary to cut and paste the above URL if the line is broken) >> >> or send a blank email to >> leave-38171-13545.bae00fb8b4115786ba5dbbb67b9b1...@fsulist.frostburg.edu >> >> >> >> >> >> --- >> >> You are currently subscribed to tips as: csta...@uwf.edu. >> >> To unsubscribe click here: >> http://fsulist.frostburg.edu/u?id=13144.1572ed60024e708cf21c4c6f19e7d550&n=T&l=tips&o=38172 >> >> (It may be necessary to cut and paste the above URL if the line is broken) >> >> or send a blank email to >> leave-38172-13144.1572ed60024e708cf21c4c6f19e7d...@fsulist.frostburg.edu >> >> >> >> >> > > --- > > You are currently subscribed to tips as: beth.ben...@gmail.com. > > To unsubscribe click here: > http://fsulist.frostburg.edu/u?id=13105.b9b37cdd198e940b73969ea6ba7aaf72&n=T&l=tips&o=38173 > > (It may be necessary to cut and paste the above URL if the line is broken) > > or send a blank email to > leave-38173-13105.b9b37cdd198e940b73969ea6ba7aa...@fsulist.frostburg.edu > > > > > --- You are currently subscribed to tips as: arch...@jab.org. 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