http://www.arabnews.com/?page=13§ion=0&article=85897&d=2&m=8&y=2006&pix=kingdom.jpg&category=Local%20Press
Thursday, 27, July, 2006 (02, Rajab, 1427)
Desperate Housewives
Maha Al-Hujailan, Al-Watan
Some Saudi men have grown used to the idea of surprising their wives with
an unpredictable and sometimes frustrating sort of behavior. It is because of
this that many Saudi women live in fear of their husbands' uncalculated
behavior and carry feelings of apprehension and anxiety of what might be round
the corner in their relationships.
As a result of this psychological uneasiness, women become frustrated.
Those who have sacrificed their lives and youth to delight their husbands end
up becoming desperate. Such women have offered everything they possess and
finally end up losing their husbands either through divorce, a partial marriage
or even separation. It is with an aim of retaining and keeping the fire in
their marriages that many desperate housewives have adopted certain techniques,
which women in foreign countries would definitely not approve.
People should remember that Saudi women, who want to retain their
husbands, have limited choices. Cultural traditions dictate that men have
absolute superiority and dominance over their wives and their lives - it is due
to these reasons that such women are not given a proper chance to keep their
men in a logical and appropriate way.
In order to keep their husbands, many Saudi women try identifying what
their spouses desire and want and then work toward delivering these preferences
as much as possible in the best way. Realizing what a husband desires is a very
long and complicated process. Husbands are unpredictable; many have a habit of
sharing their wants with their wives depending on their mood. Men can be
mysterious, simple, complicated, steady and also unstable. Others don't even
know what they want from their wives. For women it can be difficult to predict
their husbands' desires and inner instincts. Unfortunately, many women are left
in desperate situations unable to unwrap the mystery surrounding their
husbands' complicated characters.
Many experienced women that have had a few years of marriage under their
belts find innovative ways of dealing with their husbands that really only work
for them. Such women think that other women can also use these methods on their
respective husbands. So in girly circles, such women can be seen delivering
valuable tips to other desperate housewives in order to satisfy their husbands
and rule supreme.
One of the methods adopted by Saudi housewives involves them giving birth
to children every year for years on end. These women think that every time they
pop they have scored another goal in retaining their husbands.
Childbearing is considered a religious duty as emphasized by Islam. But
when our religion asks us to increase the Ummah, it definitely doesn't mean
that we do so in a chaotic and haphazard fashion where our other children are
left untended and uncared for. If families do not adopt a sense of family
planning, then it is only natural that such families will end up facing
problems. Children from such marriages end up lost and subjected to being
brought up on the streets and even perhaps in jails.
I know of one woman, a mother of four, who has been married for six years
and is now pregnant with her fifth child. All her four children are of
preschool age and you can imagine the daily struggle this woman has to face in
order to provide her offsprings with a proper loving and caring healthy
environment. I'm sure that the mother doesn't have a magic wand that helps her
manage her household chores, take care of her husband, and give each of her
children the love, care and attention that they rightly deserve.
Most people know how such relationships and families end up. The
household becomes chaotic and the couple's relationship deteriorates. At the
same time, the couple's children are sidelined and abandoned and left to suffer
the consequences of their parents' unloving relationship.
Such women are victims of a misconception prevalent among many Saudis.
Due to various hereditary cultural factors, women tend to think that men love
those women that can function as baby factories and bring lots of children into
the world. These women consider such a trait to be a sign of fertility and
femininity and assume that men think that such women bring goodness and
blessings into a family.
Being able to bring children into the world is a favor and something that
requires us to thank the Lord. But fundamentally, showing gratitude to Allah
and thanking Him can only be accomplished by providing children with their
God-given rights.
Parents and married men and women have a duty of protecting and freeing
themselves of myths and misconceptions. Husbands and wives need to deal with
each other as individuals with diverse and unique characteristics, behaviors
and personalities. It would be nice to see relationships starting on this
simple but effective frame of mind without women categorizing men according to
a principle that fundamentally may just not be applicable to all people.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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Milis Wanita Muslimah
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