Ok, here's the deal.

I uninstalled it completely. Then I turned off my local Apache installation. 

Then I reinstalled it, and it ran flawlessly. Yay. (cut to photo of cheering
crowds)

So, the answer is, to install Plone for XP, you must turn off your Apache
(or presumably other webserver) installation.

I apologize if this seems like a Homer Simpson moment, but personally, I'm a
fan of explicitness. 
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