On Thursday 10 Apr 2008 2:57:33 pm Badri Natarajan wrote: > > Aren't there a number of studies that say the peer group matters more > > than the parenting? > > I too have vague memories of reading something along the lines of how, > *beyond a certain age*, the child's peer group has more of an influence on > the child than the parents. Even if true, given that the parents have a > lock on the child's mind for quite a few years, and have great influence > in controlling the peer group (which school, etc) for quite a long time > after that..I think they are still the key factor. > > Badri
Personally speaking (as a parent and as an advisor to parents who have come with complaints about children wrongly suspected to have surgical illness) I have found that the peer group trouble starts only after age 7 or 8. Parental influences can be seen before then but tend to be harmless because the child has not had time and freedom to really use her pathetic upbringing by ignorant and/or uncaring parents (and grandparents in th Indian context). But after age 8 there is an interesting feedback loop that involves the parents too. Child X has a friend (child Y) in her peer group whose parents themselves are unable to cope with child Y's behavior and either use bribery and total acquiescence (on the one hand) or threats and punishment (on the other hand) to "control" their child. Child Y's moods spill over on to Child X, who goes to her parents and makes the very unreasonable demands that child Y made, expecting to get the kind of response that Child Y got. The parents of Child X end up having to correct their own child and somehow compensate for errors made by Child Y's parents which may be deemed right or wrong depending on what they did. And this complex process involves several different individuals. Ever single parent among this peer group of children will be found to have concerns and difficulty in coping - setting off a chain that hits some other parent. All in all it can be trying for parents, good or bad. So I believe that it could be wrong to say that one or the other have greater influence. Both parents and peer group are inextricably involved with any given child and the influence of one cannot be completely isolated. shiv
