I add the following: it is cool to hang out with oneself. it is not stressful, in fact it is a stress reliever.
Now we see ourselves as insignficant but have a better handle on what is meaningful. Incremental and steady work without deadlines (no longer needed since there is very little time left) is fantastic. It is a real return to childhood. Radhika On Sun, May 18, 2014 at 8:07 PM, Udhay Shankar N <ud...@pobox.com> wrote: > This is a fun list. Please add your own discoveries here. > > Udhay > > > http://mobile.nytimes.com/2014/03/01/opinion/sunday/what-you-learn-in-your-40s.html > > • Eight hours of continuous, unmedicated sleep is one of life’s great > pleasures. Actually, scratch “unmedicated.” > > • There are no grown-ups. We suspect this when we are younger, but can > confirm it only once we are the ones writing books and attending > parent-teacher conferences. Everyone is winging it, some just do it > more confidently. > > • There are no soul mates. Not in the traditional sense, at least. In > my 20s someone told me that each person has not one but 30 soul mates > walking the earth. (“Yes,” said a colleague, when I informed him of > this, “and I’m trying to sleep with all of them.”) In fact, “soul > mate” isn’t a pre-existing condition. It’s an earned title. They’re > made over time. > > • You will miss out on some near soul mates. This goes for > friendships, too. There will be unforgettable people with whom you > have shared an excellent evening or a few days. Now they live in Hong > Kong, and you will never see them again. That’s just how life is. > > • Emotional scenes are tiring and pointless. At a wedding many years > ago, an older British gentleman who found me sulking in a corner > helpfully explained that I was having a G.E.S. — a Ghastly Emotional > Scene. In your 40s, these no longer seem necessary. For starters, > you’re not invited to weddings anymore. And you and your partner know > your ritual arguments so well, you can have them in a tenth of the > time. > > • Forgive your exes, even the awful ones. They were just winging it, too. > > • When you meet someone extremely charming, be cautious instead of > dazzled. By your 40s, you’ve gotten better at spotting narcissists > before they ruin your life. You know that “nice” isn’t a sufficient > quality for friendship, but it’s a necessary one. > > • People’s youthful quirks can harden into adult pathologies. What’s > adorable at 20 can be worrisome at 30 and dangerous at 40. Also, at > 40, you see the outlines of what your peers will look like when > they’re 70. > > • More about you is universal than not universal. My unscientific > assessment is that we are 95 percent cohort, 5 percent unique. Knowing > this is a bit of a disappointment, and a bit of a relief. > > • But you find your tribe. Jerry Seinfeld said in an interview last > year that his favorite part of the Emmy Awards was when the comedy > writers went onstage to collect their prize. “You see these gnome-like > cretins, just kind of all misshapen. And I go, ‘This is me. This is > who I am. That’s my group.’ ” By your 40s, you don’t want to be with > the cool people; you want to be with your people. > > • Just say “no.” Never suggest lunch with people you don’t want to > have lunch with. They will be much less disappointed than you think. > > • You don’t have to decide whether God exists. Maybe he does and maybe > he doesn’t. But when you’re already worrying that the National > Security Agency is reading your emails (and as a foreigner in France, > that you’re constantly breaking unspoken cultural rules), it’s better > not to know whether yet another entity is watching you. > > Finally, a few more tips gleaned from four decades of experience: > > • Do not buy those too-small jeans, on the expectation that you will > soon lose weight. > > • If you are invited to lunch with someone who works in the fashion > industry, do not wear your most “fashionable” outfit. Wear black. > > • If you like the outfit on the mannequin, buy exactly what’s on the > mannequin. Do not try to recreate the same look by yourself. > > • It’s O.K. if you don’t like jazz. > > • When you’re wondering whether she’s his daughter or his girlfriend, > she’s his girlfriend. > > • When you’re unsure if it’s a woman or a man, it’s a woman. > > Pamela Druckerman is the author of “Bringing Up Bébé: One American > Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting,” and a contributing > opinion writer. > > > -- > > ((Udhay Shankar N)) ((udhay @ pobox.com)) ((www.digeratus.com)) > > -- “Be careful what you water your dreams with. Water them with worry and fear and you will produce weeds that choke the life from your dream. Water them with optimism and solutions and you will cultivate success. Always be on the lookout for ways to turn a problem into an opportunity for success. Always be on the lookout for ways to nurture your dream." ~ Lao Tzu (courtesy -Peacefrog) ““The most regretful people on earth are those who felt the call to creative work, who felt their own creative power restive and uprising, and gave to it neither power nor time.” -- Mary Oliver
