Creative answering machine messages :)
Actual answering machine answers recorded and verified by the
world famous: The International Institute of Answering Machine
Answers.
"My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but
if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you
as soon as we're finished."
(Narrator's voice:) "There Dale sits, reading a magazine.
Suddenly the telephone rings! The bathroom explodes into a
veritable maelstrom of toilet paper, with Dale in the middle
of it, his arms windmilling at incredible speeds! Will he make
it in time? Alas no, his valiant effort is in vain. The bell
hath sounded. Thou must leave a message."
"Hi. Now you say something."
"Hi, I'm not home right now but my answering machine is,
so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep."
"Hello. I am David's answering machine. What are you?"
(From my Japanese friend in Toronto) "He-lo! This is
Sa-to. If you leave message, I call you soon. If you leave
sexy message, I call sooner!"
"Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his
refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your
message to myself with one of these magnets."
"Hello, this is Sally's microwave. Her answering
machine just eloped with her tape deck, so I'm stuck with
taking her calls. Say, if you want anything cooked while
you leave
your
message, just hold it up to the phone."
"Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of
receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows,
or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to
charity through their office and do not need their
picture taken. If
you're still with me, leave your name and number and they
will get back to you."
"This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic
thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your
name, your reason for calling, and a number where I can reach
you, and I'll think about returning your call."
"Hi. I am probably home. I'm just avoiding someone I
don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back,
it's you."
"Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone
right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone
until I call you back."
"If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home
cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone.
Otherwise, we probably aren't home and it's safe to leave
us a message."
(Direct approach:) "Who are you and what do you want?"
"You're growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy.
You feel very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your
will power and your ability to resist suggestions. When you
hear the tone you will feel helplessly compelled to leave
your name, number, and a message."
"You have reached the CPX-2000 Voice Blackmail System.
Your voice patterns are now being digitally encoded and
stored for later use. Once this is done, our computers will be
able to use the sound of your voice for literally thousands of
illegal and immoral purposes. There is no charge for this
initial consultation. However our staff of professional
extortionists will contact you in the near future to further
explain the benefits of our service, and to arrange for your
schedule of payment. Remember to speak clearly at the sound
of the tone. Thank you."
"Please leave a message. However, you have the right to
remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will
be used by us."
"Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up
the phone right now, because we're doing something we really
enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it
left to right . . . real slowly. So leave a message, and
when we're done brushing our teeth we'll get back to you."
enjoy Bless you Bob Lee
--
oozing on the muggy shore of the gulf coast
[email protected]
--
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