BARACK OBAMA:
The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE!
The chicken wanted CHANGE!
JOHN MC CAIN:
My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the
need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on
the other side of the road.
HILLARY CLINTON:
When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to
cross the road... We were under sniper fire and had to run zigzag or
we could have been killed. Additionally, this experience makes me
uniquely qualified to ensure -- right from Day One! -- That every
chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road.
But then, this really isn't about me...
DR. PHIL:
The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he
must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it
goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need
to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his
'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems.
OPRAH:
Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why
he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken
learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm
going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the
road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
GEORGE W. BUSH:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want
to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken
is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
COLIN POWELL:
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite
image of the chicken crossing the road...
ANDERSON COOPER, CNN:
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet
been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
JOHN KERRY:
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against
it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the
chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
NANCY GRACE:
That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in
his eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN:
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
MARTHA STEWART:
No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had
a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price
dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider
information.
DR SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes,
the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
SOCRATES:
Is what you saw a chicken? - Will you not fancy that the shadows
which you formerly saw are truer than the objects which now cross the
road?
ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die in the rain. Alone.
JERRY FALWELL:
Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth?'
That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that
chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay, too.
I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that
the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like
'the other side.' That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's
as plain and as simple as that.
GRANDPA:
In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody
told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
BARBARA WALTERS:
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the
chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it
experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its
life long dream of crossing the road.
JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in
peace.
BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads,
but also will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance
your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of the Chicken.
This new platform is much more stable and will never cra...
cra...#@&&%
Oops! Reboot...
ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the
chicken?
BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of
chicken?
AL GORE:
I invented the chicken!
COLONEL SANDERS:
Did I miss one?
DICK CHENEY:
Where's my gun?
AL SHARPTON:
Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.
