LOL!
I must admit, when I had my one and only mamo .... all I could think was ... I hope an earthquake doesn't happen right now, I am good and properly stuck!
Loved your humor.
elle.
>From: DByron <laqueren...@mindspring.com>
>Reply-To: silver-list@eskimo.com
>To: silver-list@eskimo.com
>Subject: CS>X-Ray (mammograms)
>Date: Fri, 27 Aug 2004 10:18:44 -0500
>
>Since its Friday, maybe some humor is in order?
>DByron
>
>***************
>
>Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, and even if they
>have had them before, there is fear. But there is no need to worry.
>
>By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam
>and doing the following practice exercises, you will be totally prepared
>for the test and, best of all, you can do these simple practice
>exercises right in your home.
>
>EXERCISE 1: Open your refrigerator door, and insert one breast
>between the door and the main box. Have one of your strongest friends
>slam the door shut as hard as possible and lean on the door for good
>measure. Hold that position for five seconds.
>Repeat in case the first time wasn't effective.
>
>EXERCISE 2: Visit your garage at 3 a.m. when the temperature of
>the cement floor is just perfect. Take off all your clothes and lie
>comfortably on the floor sideways with one breast wedged under the
>rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your
>breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Switch sides, and repeat
>for the other breast.
>
>EXERCISE 3: Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the
>waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Have the stranger press
>the bookends against either side of one of your breasts and smash the
>bookends together as hard as he/she can. Set an appointment with
>the stranger to meet next year to do it again. You are now properly
>prepared!
>
>+++++++++++++++
>
>The Boob Poem
>
>For years and years they told me,
>Be careful of your breasts.
>Don't ever squeeze or bruise them.
>And give them monthly tests.
>
>So I heeded all their warnings,
>And protected them by law.
>Guarded them very carefully,
>And I always wore my bra.
>
>After 30 years of astute care,
>My gyno, Dr. Pruitt,
>Said I should get a Mammogram.
>"O.K," I said, "let's do it."
>
>"Stand up here real close" she said,
>(She got my boob in line),
>"And tell me when it hurts," she said,
>"Ah yes! Right there, that's fine."
>
>She stepped upon a pedal,
>I could not believe my eyes!
>A plastic plate came slamming down,
>My hooter's in a vise!
>
>My skin was stretched and mangled,
> >From underneath my chin.
>My poor boob was being squashed,
>To Swedish Pancake thin.
>
>Excruciating pain I felt,
>Within it's vise-like grip.
>A prisoner in this vicious thing,
>My poor defenseless tit!
>
>"Take a deep breath" she said to me,
>Who does she think she's kidding?!?
>My chest is mashed in her machine,
>And woozy I am getting.
>
>"There, that's good," I heard her say,
>(The room was slowly swaying.)
>"Now, let's have a go at the other one."
>Have mercy, I was praying.
>
>It squeezed me from both up and down,
>It squeezed me from both sides.
>I'll bet SHE'S never had this done,
>To HER tender little hide.
>
>Next time that they make me do this,
>I will request a blindfold.
>I have no wish to see again,
>My knockers getting steamrolled.
>
>If I had no problem when I came in,
>I surely have one now.
>If there had been a cyst in there,
>It would have gone "ker-pow!"
>
>This machine was created by a man,
>Of this, I have no doubt.
>I'd like to stick his balls in there,
>And see how THEY come out.
>
>
>--
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