Hi ______, (deleted material).....Today (2001), I live in northwestern Connecticut.
I was glad to hear you say the course thinking started for you when very young, before there was even a book to point at, etc. Clearly, I've been assisted in understanding and other areas throughout my life, but the more noticeable guidance and enlightenment began for me in 1977. It was to be another 16 years, in 1993, before I would hear about A Course In Miracles. Two people who did not know each other mentioned it to me, the latter handing me a copy along with a stack of "spiritual books" etc. Throughout those 16 years, I read somewhat and received things from within, and there were always some things that simply weren't in the books, or if they were, I didn't notice them. They clearly were so, and yet they lacked confirmation. As I started to read ACIM, I got very excited, for there in its pages, in somewhat different jargon than I would have used, were these same ideas jumping off the page so to speak. I remember the day I started reading it, calling down the hall to my then-wife, saying the things I'd held on my precious little mental shelf had been found in a book. I read ACIM through nonstop...there simply was "no way" I was going to saddle myself to a daily time schedule type of reading. As I read, most things were fairly clear; however, there were things that took some amount of mental spinning to make any sense out of them. Well, spirit simply told me to read right on past those things and not worry about it; which I did. This turned out to be a very good way to approach ACIM, for then the intellectual abridgment process was somewhat suspended and spirit simply brought certain things to mind as needed at a later date. I went to some meetings at the Miracle Distribution Center (which was about 40 miles away at the time), as well as some meetings in my home town of Fontana, California. Both were unsatisfying, for it became quickly clear, most people involved with ACIM were doing a tedious study thing and sharing stories that they believed were miracles, but which were just stories (even if a miracle may have been involved somehow). So I set up my own group; which flopped miserably, as people simply were not interested in moving beyond where they had been before discovering ACIM. In short, most had come from a Christian and/or metaphysical background and were treating ACIM in the same fashion they treated the Bible, etc., just another scripture to be studied in a scholarly fashion. Over the years, starting sometime after 1977, I would write things. As time moved along, the understanding put down in writing grew, and the growth pattern was very visible in those writings. My earlier writings were very colored by my own Christian upbringing and my concinuous mental attempts to reconcile everything with the Bible and Christian doctrine, as if that would somehow make it okay. After about four years, it became clear that such a reconciliation could not be found straight across the board. Due to understanding something that was better than the earlier doctrines, I left organized Christianity altogether, trying not to throw out the baby with the bath water. Since my father was a Pentecostal minister of the "holy roller", hell, fire and brimstone variety, this four year process involved overcoming a lot of programmed fear. The fear still pops up from time to time, but I am clear I would never return to those archaic, superstitious and insane beliefs I had valued so highly before. In a manner of speaking, I met God personally and was taught by God directly, sometimes through insights, sometimes through more direct inspiration and occasionally through what was very much like a voice and yet wasn't exactly that. However, when I would share that with people, what I got from them was disbelief and accusations of grandiosity and arrogance. Later, I discovered that this had a lot to do with my style of presentation in combination with an attitude that did indeed vacillate between arrogance and evangelisitic oratory. A moment finally arose, while sharing online in various chat settings, that I discovered I could just open myself to spirit and the insights would arrive at my fingertips to be shared at the same rate as my typing them. When this occurred, various insights (in intellectual form) and poetry or fantasy that drew images in the minds of the listeners would come out...and when it did, there was a sharp turn in the responses from those around me. Although there were always some who would argue things to death, people began to hear within and be more receptive to the messages given. I began to more clearly realize that what I had said all along was actually the truth of the matter...that (the holy) spirit was the "only" teacher, and I could only be an effective teacher to the extent that I would open myself to this inner flow during the teaching. Today, on a limited basis, I teach in MDC chat and other chat room environments as available. Also, I teach what I have come to call Simplistic Meditation...or, how to access this same intuitive relationship to spirit that has (literally) taken me from the jaws of death and despair and helped me to love myself and others. Less often, I do meditative counseling with people experiencing ordinary problems in their lives, with an emphasis on spirit helping rather than grabbing the bull by the horns techniques (although I do share some practical insights on self-empowered methods of facing their problems). (deleted material) In response to your email, let me begin by saying you absolutely can get beyond this seeming block. It has to do with moving beyond perception and with removing expectations from that realm as well. In addition to my own healing (which is still underway), people around me offline and people working with me online have reported wonderful changes in their lives. A brief mention of the areas where changes were noticed: Improvement in relationships Changing of relationships through learning to love self Letting go of prostitution Letting go of alcoholism Letting go of drugs Having domestic violence against them stop Being released from potential life incarceration after many years there Experiencing the world around them in its living oneness Having spirit actually talk to them, much to their surprise [Dec.2005: note that spirit does not literally talk, but the inspiration impact in a mind conditioned to converting everything to words and images, it can seem like verbal speech and even be accompanied by visions, etc.] Directly from your email, I will cite some areas we can look at that will help... 1. There is no study group (here) 2. I need someone to talk with (etc) 3. I feel like there is a wall 4. I can't see over the wall 5. ...at some point it will crumble... 6. I don't know what to do 7. ...where are all the healers? While in reality, there are no opposites, when viewing things from the perceptions/conceptions of the finite, it can be helpful to view both sides of pairs of opposites. In a sense, this alleviates the abridgment/judgment attitude involvement, presenting the same perceptions in new and more complete and aligned ways. There is a small booklet available called The Complete Reversal of Thought...re ACIM. Just the title in itself says volumes. From a finite, (levels) point of view, one might look at each of the seven items listed above along with their opposing counterparts (seven statements that state just the opposite of what those seven statements say). Additionally, from a view that adopts a more intuitive view (a view that, while still a perception in the finite, directs the attention beyond that battlefield), one can look at all those views as a single thing..."thoughts"...and look at the opposite of that single perceptual error. It is said, "I think, therefore I am." However, it is more accurate to say, "I think and I think and I think, therefore I am so busily distracted in my thinking that I miss the fact that there is a reality beyond my thinking and indeed, beyond the objects my thoughts incessantly and habitually think upon." So, there is the reversal of thoughts within thinking by a balancing and wholizing of sorts, and there is the reversal of the decision to think or setting thinking aside altogether (which obviously is not something one does on a continuing basis, at least at first). These seven items from your email, clearly define the wall you mentioned. They describe a belief you hold about yourself. That belief IS the wall itself. Removing that belief will effectively remove the wall and, eventually, the evidence of its removal will appear. However, even if ten years from now, you could see no specific outer evidence confirming this occurrence...it is important to realize that this shift occurs within, not without. You will definitely see and know the wall has come down with or without outer evidence. Just a little willingness is required...nothing more. Love & Friendship, Doug (altarlight...then LightDancer) ------------------------ Yahoo! Groups Sponsor --------------------~--> Join modern day disciples reach the disfigured and poor with hope and healing http://us.click.yahoo.com/lMct6A/Vp3LAA/i1hLAA/wpWolB/TM --------------------------------------------------------------------~-> The inner light can answer any of this world's queries and resolve any of its problems. Beyond all of these concerns, the inner light will show you who you are and your relationship to all...and bring you an understanding of love and peace that transcends ordinary human thought processes. Discover what it truly means to "love one another" and to "see peace." Yahoo! 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