[Sndbox] [Fwd: LCR: Frank Rich Squeaks]

[Lowell R. Matthews]

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Title: The Left Coast Report

THE LEFT COAST REPORT: A Political Look at Hollywood By James Hirsen September 23, 2003 A NewsMax Report Headlines (Scroll down for complete stories): 1. Frank Rich Squeaks 2. Unsovereign Nation 3. 'Potluck' Problem 4. Bubba's Dissed at Naked Chef's Place 5. Ewan McGregor, Smut Defender 6. Jammin' Politicians? 7. Left Coast Emmy Notes Support President Bush! Now, more than ever, George Bush needs your support. The major media are in attack mode - and have eroded the President's public support. Despite claims to the contrary, the U.S. economy is rebounding after a Clinton-inspired recession. And despite Democrat hopes, America is safer and more secure after President Bush's war on terror. NewsMax wants to help you show your support for President Bush to your friends, neighbors and family. The Democrats say they have a good chance of taking the White House in 2004. Only you can stop them! Check out NewsMax's "Bush Collection" and find out the unique ways you can help President Bush. Click Here Now! 1. Frank Rich Squeaks Poor Franky Rich. He's supposed to be the expert columnist for the arts section of a major newspaper. Instead the artsy guy has his undies in a twist about mega-Hollywood star Mel Gibson. And he's carrying on his conniption fit for all the world to see on the smudgy pages of the New York Times. But first, a word from another guy who knows what stinky foot tastes like - Russell Crowe. A radio station asked the actor for his opinion on fellow Aussie Gibson's unreleased film, "The Passion." The fact that Crowe hadn't yet viewed the film didn't stop him from flapping his gums. Crowe relied on some hefty speculation as he let loose with, "Well if what I've heard about it is fair dinkum ..." [Translation for "fair dinkum": true]. Crowe says he heard that Gibson "spent $25 million making a movie that's shot in Aramaic and Latin, and he's intending to release it without subtitles. I think he's got to get off the glue." Gibson's production folks tell me that they're leaning toward using subtitles. But continuing on his uninformed jaunt, Crowe said, "What's the point of making a movie where people can't understand what's going on? I don't understand that. If you want it for reality or whatever, I think, 'Wow, what an amazing idea,' but also what a waste of time if nobody can get what the point is." Back to Rich. After a Vatican official (who's on the short list to becoming a future pope) raved about Gibson's movie and dismissed the so-called concerns of bigotry about the film, Mel's chief mindless critic tried to change the focus of the attack. Although in the past the Jayson Blair understudy wrote that "it's hard to imagine the movie being anything other than a flop," Rich continues to devote his arts column to Gibson. In the name of tolerance, diversity and understanding, Rich has written that Gibson and his organization have been "baiting Jews," Matt Drudge is a "token Jew," traditionalist Catholics are a "fringe church," Rupert Murdoch is a "conservative non-Jew," Peter J. Boyer's article "sanitizes" Mel's father, Gibson spokesman Alan Nierob "plays bizarre games with the Holocaust," and Bill O'Reilly is "being paid" to defend Gibson. Rich even hit a section of my book, "Tales from the Left Coast," claiming to "decode" a "strange passage," where I supposedly have "a fetish of repeating Bob Dylan's original name." The Left Coast Report suggests that maybe Franky can get some guidance counseling from a person with greater artistic sensibilities - such as E.T.'s Mary Hart. 2. Unsovereign Nation A celebrity-weighted circle that calls itself the Immigrant Workers Freedom Ride is crisscrossing the country in hopes of building momentum for "shamnesty." The group's effort began Saturday with 20 buses departing from nine cities. Its goal is to get "legalization" for the estimated 10 to 15 million people who unlawfully crossed the borders and are hanging out in the U.S. permanently. Among the list of big-name sovereignty smashers are James Cromwell, Martin Sheen, Susan Sarandon and George Lopez. The Bolshevik buses are scheduled to stop in about 100 cities and will hit the ones with the largest populations of illegal aliens. The trip will wrap up in early October with congressional meetings in Washington and a rally in New York City. The Left Coast Report would like to inform those in favor of the magic bus ride that immigration without assimilation means the end of the nation. 3. 'Potluck' Problem Life imitates art. It sometimes imitates mindless trashy films, too. "Potluck," the first flick from High Times magazine, is being billed as "a whole new way to get whacked." It's due to premiere in October. But a bit of a problem has come up. A couple of the film's stars are missing. Director Alison Thompson has been on a search for AWOL actor Jason Mewes of "Jay and Silent Bob" fame. Now Mewes has been located. He's in a New Jersey drug rehab center, sent there for violating probation on a conviction for possessing heroin. Another misplaced "Potluck" cast member is Tommy Chong. As it turns out he has been sentenced to nine months in jail for marketing bongs on the Net. The Left Coast Report observes, in this case, getting "whacked" may be precisely what it's cracked up to be. 4. Bubba's Dissed at Naked Chef's Place Britain's Jamie Oliver, also known as cable TV's "The Naked Chef," owns a trendy restaurant in East London called Fifteen. Maybe somebody reminded the establishment that Bill Clinton was impeached, held in contempt by a federal judge and suspended from the practice of law, because the X-prez failed to get any special treatment at the chic eatery. Clinton showed up at Oliver's place without a reservation and demanded a table for 12. But the restaurant was full. Much to the Slick One's chagrin, the staff at Fifteen refused to throw out their non-celeb patrons to make room for Willie and his entourage. So says the Daily Mirror. The Left Coast Report is curious whether Bubba went into one of his famed purple rages to match the pickled beets. 5. Ewan McGregor, Smut Defender Ewan McGregor has some explaining to do. The actor, who's best known for his crooning role in "Moulin Rouge," is praising the explicit sex scenes in his new flick, "Young Adam." McGregor allowed himself to be filmed in a sex act with Emily Mortimer, along with a bowl of custard and a bottle of Heinz ketchup. Now the misguided star is trying to spin the scene as some sort of reality noir. He describes the film scenes as "quite hardcore" but says "that's a good thing." He adds, "What we were trying to do was to make them realistic so they're often messy or quick, or clumsy and dirty and disgusting." The Left Coast Report thinks an old-fashioned word may be more appropriate to describe this stuff - porn. 6. Jammin' Politicians? The scene of a politician playing a musical instrument is becoming as common as a snore at a speech by Gray Davis. Guess Bill Clinton started the trend with his sour saxophone stunts. Now it seems as if we're regularly being subjected to stiff-necked senators and gassy governors trying to show their hipper sides. Dem presidential candidate John Kerry is one who was recently captured on camera jamming with Moby. Kerry played Johnny Cash's "Ring of Fire" on his guitar along with the techno rocker. Moby then performed Lou Reed's precursor rap tune "Walk on the Wild Side." Kerry and his audience of fund-raisin' country club Dems cringed a bit at the lyrics, which include the words "he was a she ..." To make Kerry fans feel at ease, Moby referred to Dubya as "an evil f**k." The Left Coast Report wonders what we'll see next - Kucinich tickling the accordion keys with Judy Tenuta? Lieberman shaking his tambourine with Bruce Springsteen? Maybe even Hillary humming in harmony with Babs to "The Way We Were." 7. Left Coast Emmy Notes The smell of politics was heavier than the eau de snobbeau cologne. With a ceremony hosted by a string of comedians and a couple of gubernatorial candidates walking the red carpet, the 55th Annual Emmy Awards quickly turned into a California recall joke-fest. "This is going to be a long night. Then afterward, because of the political climate, there's 139 governor's balls," Garry Shandling quipped during the opening monologue. "I don't even think any of those people running know it's about politics. I think they just heard there's a part available." "Friends" buddies Matt LeBlanc, Matthew Perry and David Schwimmer threw in a recall gag. "There's been a lot of talk about what the three of us are going to do next year," Perry said. "The three of us are running for governor of California." Jon Stewart took a comedic shot at lead Republican gubernatorial candidate Arnold Schwarzenegger. "You know, if he stinks, you can't go to the future and send somebody back to stop him," Stewart sniped. In other Left Coast cultural matters, Garry Shandling and "Everybody Loves Raymond" co-star Brad Garrett staged a lampoon of the infamous Madonna/Britney kiss with a funny and scary smooch. Referring to Garrett's salary dispute with the network, Shandling joked, "I want to say to CBS, he's worth every nickel." NBC's liberal fantasy "The West Wing" won for a fourth straight time for best drama series. The award speaks volumes about the worldview of Tinseltown. The dominant lefties in Hollywood see the distorted look at the presidency as high-quality programming. But producers of "The West Wing" claim to have a more bipartisan set of scripts for next season, starting with John Goodman playing a conservative speaker of the House who takes over as temporary prez. For artistic and general Tinseltown consistency, though, chances are the writers will make his character a narrow-minded bigot. The Left Coast Report is certain we'll see more of the same conservative clobbering in whatever awards show pops up next. Get your FREE copy of James Hirsen's New York Times best selling book Tales from the left Coast – Click Here Now. Even better, find out about our FREE offer – Click Here Now!   The Left Coast Report is compiled by James L. Hirsen and the staff of NewsMax. You can read past Left Coast Reports from the archives - Click Here Now. TO ADVERTISE For information on advertising at NewsMax.com please contact Corrine McNurlin at [EMAIL PROTECTED] or 888-766-7542. 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