Title: The Daily Humorscope
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Charles Mims's Personal Humorscope
for Wednesday, October 1, 2003
Special today - no ice cream
In a Swiss mountain inn
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Aries (March 21 -
April 19)
Your friend will betray you today, and will hide
from you under office furniture. Hey, don't ask me. I just see the future, I don't explain it.
Taurus (April 20
- May 20)
Beware of strangers bearing Cheez Whiz.
Gemini (May 21 -
June 20)
This is an excellent
day to dare. Dare to eat a peach. Dare to wear your trousers rolled, and walk
along the beach. Dare to be different. That sort of thing.
Cancer (June 21
- July 22)
Good day to stand on the sidewalk near a tall
building, and stare up at the roof. You'll meet some interesting people that
way.
Leo (July 23 -
August 22)
It's ok to spill the wine today, if you feel you
really have to. Under no circumstance should you dig that girl, however.
Virgo (August 23
- September 22)
Put all your eggs in three baskets, today -
metaphorically speaking, of course. You can kiss your first two baskets
goodbye.
Libra (September
22 - October 22)
You will have left-over lasagna for lunch. This is
odd, because you don't remember the lasagna being made in the first place.
Just one of those little mysteries that haunts you in life.
Scorpio (October 23
- November 21)
You will make the startling discovery that most of
the lawyers and judges in your county have been possessed by demons. In fact,
they weren't kidding when they said that possession was nine tenths of the
law...
Sagittarius
(November 22 - December 21)
Soon, through no fault of your own, you will catch
someone underlining words in a library book. It's just one of those signs,
you know? Before the Apocalypse.
Capricorn
(December 22 - January 20)
This might be a good time to refer to your roommate
as "Watson" and say things like "The game's afoot!."
Eventually, you'll be able to reconstruct an entire evening's events from a
spilled drop of raspberry vinaigrette.
Aquarius
(January 21 - February 18)
Today is a good day to crash through the underbrush,
making loud snorting sounds. Beware of poachers, however.
Pisces (February
19 - March 20)
Today you will find a note, folded into quarters,
and torn from a steno pad. Surprisingly, it will refer to you. Even more
surprisingly, it will refer to you as the object of adoration, someone whom
the note's author wishes to engage in "snuggle bunnies" with.
Sadly, it will be impossible to determine who wrote it, and nothing will ever
come of it.
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The Daily Humorscope
Personal Humorscope
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[>>Charles<<]
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