--- Begin Message --- Title: The Left Coast Report
THE LEFT COAST REPORT: A Political Look at Hollywood
By James Hirsen
October 7, 2003A NewsMax Report
Headlines (Scroll down for complete stories):
1. Al Frankenfurter
2. The Springsteen Bushwhacking Machine
3. Dems Are Texas Two-Stepping on Ben and J.Lo
4. Celebs Just Say No to Recall
5. Not-So-Mellow Yellow Journalism
6. Britney Spears’s Sacred Logic
7. Xena and Hercules in the Land of Litigation
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1. Al Frankenfurter
Al Franken just doesn't know when to stop - talking, that is.
His initial reaction to drug allegations against Rush Limbaugh was almost human. Almost.
He said: "I don't like Rush. I don't like what he does - but I don't wish that [drug addiction] on anybody."
But he couldn't leave things there. Instead the author of "Rush Limbaugh Is a Big Fat Idiot" let loose with something of rude, crude magnitude.
Franken said that if the allegations turned out to be true, he'd be "looking forward to the perp walk."
The comedy-challenged comedian said, "I'll be switching channels to get it from every angle." And he added, "My favorite part is when they push their heads to get them down into the [police] car."
The Left Coast says we'll be switching channels, too, whenever Al Franken is hotdogging on the tube.
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2. The Springsteen Bushwhacking Machine
In front of approximately 55,000 people, Bruce Springsteen continued his rock campaign against the Bush administration.
Springsteen started his concert at Shea Stadium with a recording of President Bush that had a tape loop, which repeated the words "mass destruction, war and peace."
Throughout "The Rising" tour, Springsteen has been urging fans to demand that the president give the reasons that led the United States into war with Iraq.
During the performance of "Waitin' on a Sunny Day," Springsteen used the "i" word to entice fans to sing along. "A little louder if you wanna impeach the president," Springsteen shouted.
The Left Coast Report cautions the Boss, Be careful what you wish for ... care to lead the audience in a chorus of "President Cheney?"
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3. Dems Are Texas Two-Stepping on Ben and J.Lo
For months, Republicans in the Texas Legislature have been working on getting a redistricting map approved.
But Democrats have been working to keep the lines the same, which prompted some of the Dems to temporarily flee the state in order to try to stall the inevitable.
Now the Republicans are arguing with each other as to how the maps should be drawn.
They've said if the Legislature doesn't approve a plan soon, lawmakers could have to delay the March 2 primary election date.
In her assessment of the situation, Texas Democratic Party Chairwoman Molly Beth Malcolm invoked a famous Hollywood couple. "With the Republicans in charge, our primary election date is about as firm as a wedding date for Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck," Malcolm wisecracked.
Malcolm apparently hasn't heard that since he and J.Lo picked up a gun permit, Ben Affleck is now adamant that the nuptials will take place.
The Left Coast Report wonders if Ben and J.Lo's wedding invitations will read: Immediately after the service there will be a Republican-led reception in the Texas primary polling booth.
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4. Celebs Just Say No to Recall
In typical left knee-jerk fashion, some of Hollywood's most famous "liberals" recently sprung into action to try to avert a Republican win in the California recall race. They took out a full-page ad in Variety pushing for a "No" vote.
The ad was direct. It read: "Join us. Vote no on the recall."
Attached were the signatures of 46 actors, producers, writers and studio execs. Famed signatories included Barbra Streisand, Cybill Shepherd, Rob Reiner, Pierce Brosnan, Danny Glover, Richard Dreyfuss, James Cromwell, Stacy Keach and Larry David.
Former candidate and conservative-turned-"independent"-turned-Democrat-turned-broom rider Arianna Huffington signed her name as well.
The spread didn't mention Arnold Schwarzenegger by name, but it was a clear rejection by his Tinseltown peers.
Many of the execs whose names showed up have rubbed business elbows with Schwarzenegger in the past.
Amy Pascal, head of Columbia Pictures, whose company distributed "The 6th Day" and "Last Action Hero," put her John Hancock on the page along with Universal Entertainment's Ron Meyer, whose company distributed "End of Days" and "Junior."
Paramount's Sherry Lansing and DreamWorks's David Geffen also signed on to block Arnold and cling to Davis.
The Left Coast Report thinks that after Election Day some of these celebs might be asking Arnold for an "Eraser."
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5. Not-So-Mellow Yellow Journalism
The New York Times and ABC News recently featured stories that gave readers and viewers the impression that Arnold Schwarzenegger was an admirer of Adolf Hitler.
Using incomplete and inaccurate quotes from an unpublished book proposal written by the producer of the movie "Pumping Iron," these sad excuses for news buffs acted in a way that would make Goebbels grin in his grave.
The Times originally printed a quote it attributed to Arnold. It read as follows: "I admire [Hitler] for being such a good public speaker and for what he did with it."
But what a difference one word can make. The actual transcripts of outtakes from Schwarzenegger's film "Pumping Iron" indicate that what Arnold really said was, "I didn't admire [Hitler] for what he did with it."
The Times, ABC News and others in the Pinocchio press were apparently so gung ho to get the harmful story out, they forgot to properly fact check.
George Butler, the film's producer, has now admitted in an interview that he misquoted Arnold in his 1997 book proposal, prompting the Times to change its story.
The Left Coast Report says things have gotten so bad the Cartoon Network is beating ABC News in the accuracy department. And as for the Times, when I tried to use it as birdcage liner, my parrot pitched it.
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6. Britney Spears's Sacred Logic
Britney Spears raised a lot of eyebrows with her Madonna lip lock at the MTV Video Music Awards and scant clothing at her recent concert.
But Britney is apparently defending her actions with a "nothing sacred anymore" rationale.
According to the San Francisco Chronicle, Britney explains things this way: "This is more sensual than sexual. I think when you're being sexual and really putting yourself out there, there's nothing really sacred anymore about it. It's mischievous, that's my interpretation of it."
Britney wants us to know that she knows where to draw the line when it comes to taste. "Sometimes you see a girl in a video and you think, 'God, she looks like such a slut,'" Britney surmises. She adds that "you've got to make sure you're not too vulgar."
The Left Coast Report has to ask Britney, Have you seen any of your post-Mickey Mouse Club videos?
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7. Xena and Hercules in the Land of Litigation
A warrior princess and a demigod could soon be descending on a Left Coast courtroom.
Stars of the TV shows "Xena: Warrior Princess" and "Hercules" have filed suit against Universal Studios.
Kevin Sorbo, who played Herc, and Lucy Lawless, who played Xena, allege that Universal artificially reduced profits to keep the pay to the actors low.
Xena was a spin-off of the "Hercules" series.
The Left Coast Report has some ideas of its own for possible spin-offs - "Thor Loser" featuring Joe Lieberman, "Zeus on the Loose" starring Ted Kennedy, and Nancy Pelosi as "Venus, Goddess of Duty."
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The Left Coast Report is compiled by James L. Hirsen and the staff of NewsMax. You can read past Left Coast Reports from the archives - Click Here Now.
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