Title: The Daily Humorscope
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Charles Mims's Personal Humorscope
for Wednesday, October 8, 2003
Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
Swami X |
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
A large cement dragon will appear to be following you,
although you'll never actually see it move. Don't you just hate
that?
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Today you will be either snug as a bug in a rug, or smug
as a thug on a drug. Hard to say for sure.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
This week you will angrily tell someone that you are more
than just a name and a number! You are also punctuation!
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
You will be misidentified, on national TV, as a renowned
ichthyologist. Several people will call you, long distance, to ask
about the mating habits of Tilapia.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
You will get a postcard from the Forbidden City today,
containing some very unsettling news. You won't realize that, of
course, since it will be written in a language you don't understand.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Good day to put a few kumquats, some of those teensy
little ears of corn, and a few brussels sprouts in a tiny little bowl,
and leave it on someone's doorstep with a tiny little note reading
"Dear Big People...."
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Good day to make a face like a rodent, and hold your paws
up in front of your chest. When someone asks what you are doing,
chitter at them and scurry away.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
As Buckaroo Banzai said, "No matter where you go, there
you are." Oddly, this will not be entirely the case for you, today.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Avoid alternative music, today. Also, try to find what's
making that nasty smell in the fridge, before it gets worse.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Good day for a nice nap.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Today, everyone around you will make you severely annoyed.
The important thing is to remember that, in the long run, they're all
dead.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Today you will find a bumper sticker that truly defines
your sentiments. It will say "Buy More Socks!."
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