Title: The Daily Humorscope
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Charles Mims's Personal Humorscope
for Wednesday, October 15, 2003
Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it
to the guard on duty.
At a Budapest zoo |
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Your plans for a do-it-yourself replica medieval catapult
will arrive today! Soon, your neighbors will become nervous (but you
can explain that their fears are groundless -- you couldn't possibly
hit anything that close with it).
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Today you will finally reach the breaking point, since
that incessant pounding from your new neighbor's place is driving you
nuts! You will storm over there, but what you find will be very bad
news indeed. Your new neighbor is the Energizer Bunny.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Uh oh. The cows have come home, and the fat lady is about
to sing. Better come up with some new excuses, quick! You can do that
while you're coping with the unpleasant result of the cows coming
home.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Ever had one of those times when you ask someone "What are
the crunchy things in the oatmeal?" and they say "Crunchy things?"
Soon, you will.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Remember: it's a pride of lions, a gaggle of geese, and a
murder of crows. More important for you today, though: a group of
budgies is a "bludgeoning."
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
I'm sorry, I'm not allowed to argue any more, unless
you've paid.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Today you will find yourself wondering why a shampoo that
"tingles" would be better at preventing dandruff than one which
doesn't. It's that sort of intellectual undertaking which has earned
you your well-deserved reputation.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Excellent day to slurp soup. Remember: if you're going to
do anything, do it well. Obviously, that includes slurping.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
A friend will ask your advice on a technical matter. If
you answer, you'll be blamed. Pretend you don't know anything about
it.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
You will find that it is true - everything is better with
the addition of either chocolate or garlic (but not both). Well,
except for running shoes, that is.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Good time to invest in stock. (The canned kind, not the
financial kind.)
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Today will be a celebration of life, love, and art. Also,
the start of a nagging fear that you'll find out something terribly
unpleasant while doing your taxes.
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