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Charles Mims's Personal Humorscope
for Thursday, October 16, 2003
Life is a concentration camp. You're stuck here and there's no way out
and you can only rage impotently against your persecutors. -- Woody Allen
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Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Today you will have a lot of trouble with non sequiturs.
Pizza doesn't have to have cheese, you know.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Good day to invent an anti-gravity device. Or at least, to
tell everyone that's what you're doing.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
You will call someone today, who will insist on calling
you "Sven." Humor them -- act impressed.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Good time to institute "show and tell" at the office. Why
should kids have all the fun? You could break the ice by bringing in
your stamp collection, no?
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Soon you will find something that is almost, but not
quite, the cat's pajamas. More like the cat's jock strap, in this
case.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Beware of turnips.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Good time to wear WAY too much cologne. Well actually,
that's generally not a problem for people who wear cologne. Usually,
they have no sense of smell. (Oh come on - you think they'd do that on
purpose??)
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
You will have a rather unfortunate episode involving
turnips, today. Later, however, you'll be able to write a killer song
about it.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
You will decide to write a letter to the editor. "Who is
this 'Al Ninyo' guy," you'll say, "and why don't they just lock him
up?"
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
People around you are starting to look a bit complacent.
Good day to adopt a haunted _expression_ and carry a large ball of
aluminum foil.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Try to think of life as a game, today. For fun, make up
new rules.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
You will develop the extremely rare "Perkin's Disease",
and will start having a strange compulsion to shoot things with
tranquilizer darts, or sell insurance. Plus, you will try to trick
your friend, "Jim", into wrestling a giant anaconda.
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