| Dear Coco, My prayers have been answered, and my dreams come true. I have finally met my soul mate. Even though we have only been dating two weeks, I am absolutely sure he's "the one." It's not just that we have so much in common, there's something else I just can't explain, something that makes me know that he's the one for me. However, I am not sure whether he is ready to commit to our relationship, since he is just coming out of a very difficult four-year marriage. I know in my heart that he is the one for me and I have definitely fallen in love with him. But I don't want to come on too strong and scare him off. How soon is too soon to say "I love you?" — Hopelessly Devoted Dear Hopelessly Devoted, Coco recognizes that the words "I love you" can mean vastly different things to different people. To one, it means, "Voulez-vous couchez avec moi?" To another, it means, "I'm miserable and my life is a mess. Maybe you can help." To a third, it means, "Today I saw this adorable pink jacket in a shop window. It's very expensive. Buy it for me now!" Does Coco perhaps sound a little bit cynical? Actually, Coco believes in love, commitment, flowers, white weddings and all that other romantic stuff. But having exchanged earnest "I love you's" more times than she cares to count, she finally recognizes that it's darn near impossible to know someone really is "the one" after two weeks, or whether both parties were merely under the temporary influence of brain-numbing hormonal surges. It's not that love at first sight can't happen. It's just that when it does, it's a darn miracle. Love, according to Coco, is less a feeling than an action — it's the sustained ability to put someone else's needs above yours day after day, year after year. I do believe you're enthralled with this new man. Enchanted. Over the moon. But is there any substance to your "love"? Only if both of you give the relationship a chance. Then and only then can you test the depth and of your delicate sentiments. Ah, but you're besotted. You think you're reinventing the universe. My world-weary diatribe is falling on deaf ears. So if the words "I love you" just keep trying to spill out of your mouth, here are a couple of tips for making sure they aren't taken the wrong way: 1. Don't say "I love you" with the expectation he'll say "I love you" back. Sure it would be nice, but there's no quid pro quo here. 2. If you sense your guy is commitment-shy, you're probably right. In that case, keep your declaration light and breezy. That way, if he looks alarmed and starts to say, "Uh, I'm not ready for..." you can carelessly reply, "Oh, honey, don't you know the words 'I love you' mean vastly different things to different people?" | |
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