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Charles Mims's Personal Humorscope
for Friday, October 17, 2003
Cat: a pygmy lion who loves mice, hates dogs, and patronizes human
beings.
Oliver Herford |
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
While attempting to stifle a yawn today, you will
accidentally make a loud "smooching" sound. Try bringing out your
pager, and saying "these new models sure have some interesting sound
options, don't they?" I find that works well with several other forms
of involuntary noises, as well.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Despite your best efforts, you will be unable to get your
book published. But all you really need to do is change the title! "A
Comparative Study of Invertibrate Parasites" is not likely to
be published. But "A Bucket Full Of Leeches"? Now that's
another story.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
You will discover you have a certain flair for
copywriting, and will pick up a little extra spending money by doing
window signs for stores, such as "Going Out Of Business. Waaaah!"
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
You will casually mention the German term for "exit ramp",
and bring a conversation to a rapid close. That's hardly your
fault, though, is it?
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
A strange package will appear on your doorstep -- a basket
of fresh longan fruit, lined with a page from yesterday's Beijing
newspaper. This could be a sign...
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Beware of midget bookies, today. It's ok to get one of
those tiny little poetry books, though, if you feel you really must.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
What you mostly need at this point in your life, is a
retinue. Either that, or an entourage. The best way to get started is
with a simple classified ad - look for "followers, hangers-on,
sycophants, or toadies."
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Good day to remember your kinship with all living things.
Except perhaps mildew. There's no point in remembering your kinship
with mildew, at least not today.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Excellent day to act childish. For example, when's the
last time you ordered a drink with a straw, and blew bubbles in it? Or
you could pout, if you want. (Be sure to go for good lip extension,
though).
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
You are being stalked by an invisible mutant from Planet
7. Or at least, you'll find that this makes an excellent excuse for
not doing those outside chores today.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Good day to bring donuts to a meeting. Later, ask people
how their diets are going.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Leek soup day, today. Despite your recent tendency towards
shoplifting vegetables, I highly recommend you buy a leek, not
take one. |
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