Title: The Daily Humorscope
 

Charles Mims's Personal Humorscope
for Saturday, October 18, 2003


Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.



 

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

A good day to start getting your affairs in order. You shouldn't be having affairs anyway, so the least you can do is tidy them up.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

Today you should enjoy "postlaunch solarizing." Q: What does that mean? A: How should I know? It's your life, you tell me.

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

You will make several somewhat inadviseable impulse purchases today. Fortunately, you will be able to return all of them, except for the Hormel "100 Years Of SPAM!" decorative wallclock.

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

Remember to put a disclaimer at the bottom of your report, to say that it doesn't necessarily reflect the views of your management, or, for that matter, of any other carbon-based life form.

Leo (July 23 - August 22)

Fungus day today. Interestingly, you will discover that in order to engage in mycological research, you need go no further than your toes...

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

Excellent day to walk around wearing a white lab coat and carrying a clipboard.

Libra (September 22 - October 22)

Time to commit some random acts of kindness. I have developed an algorithm for this. The next time someone asks you for a quarter (or any small coin), take one out of your pocket, and toss it in the air. Heads, give it to them. Tails, put it back in your pocket, and tell them you haven't got any. Or whatever - remember, the important thing is to be RANDOM.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

This week, you are the bug and everyone else is the really huge shoe. Your objective: don't be noticed.

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

Remember today: two wrongs don't make a right. But three do.

Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)

Good time to be logical and willing to admit error. This will amaze and confuse everyone, and some of them will be so flustered that they'll try it themselves. Just don't keep it up for too long - you might get "stuck" like that, and go through the rest of your life like some kind of freak!

Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)

Today you will lie to yourself. Amusingly, you will be completely taken in, and will be very annoyed later when the truth comes out.

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

Three kings from arid countries will wander by, leading their horses, and apparently searching for something. This will seem innocuous at first, but later, you'll start to worry.
[>>Charles<<]    
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