Title: The Daily Humorscope
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Charles Mims's Personal Humorscope for Saturday, October 18, 2003
Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
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Aries (March 21 - April 19)
A good day to start getting your affairs in order. You
shouldn't be having affairs anyway, so the least you can do is
tidy them up.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Today you should enjoy "postlaunch solarizing." Q: What
does that mean? A: How should I know? It's your life, you tell me.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
You will make several somewhat inadviseable impulse
purchases today. Fortunately, you will be able to return all of them,
except for the Hormel "100 Years Of SPAM!" decorative wallclock.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Remember to put a disclaimer at the bottom of your report,
to say that it doesn't necessarily reflect the views of your
management, or, for that matter, of any other carbon-based life form.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Fungus day today. Interestingly, you will discover that in
order to engage in mycological research, you need go no further than
your toes...
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Excellent day to walk around wearing a white lab coat and
carrying a clipboard.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Time to commit some random acts of kindness. I have
developed an algorithm for this. The next time someone asks you for a
quarter (or any small coin), take one out of your pocket, and toss it
in the air. Heads, give it to them. Tails, put it back in your pocket,
and tell them you haven't got any. Or whatever - remember, the
important thing is to be RANDOM.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
This week, you are the bug and everyone else is the really
huge shoe. Your objective: don't be noticed.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Remember today: two wrongs don't make a right. But three
do.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Good time to be logical and willing to admit error. This
will amaze and confuse everyone, and some of them will be so flustered
that they'll try it themselves. Just don't keep it up for too long -
you might get "stuck" like that, and go through the rest of your life
like some kind of freak!
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Today you will lie to yourself. Amusingly, you will be
completely taken in, and will be very annoyed later when the truth
comes out.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Three kings from arid countries will wander by, leading
their horses, and apparently searching for something. This will seem
innocuous at first, but later, you'll start to worry.
| [>>Charles<<]
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