Norman LiebmannIn my humble opinion, if Gray Davis had voluntarily removed himself as Governor of California, it would have been a unique case of the garbage taking out the garbage.
Wednesday, October 15, 2003
In my humble opinion, one way to help the prisoners at Camp X-Ray (Gitmo) pass the time is to hold a Charles Manson look alike contest. Potentially, every one of them looks like a winner.
In my humble opinion, Bush should hire a four year old child to double-check Alan Greenspan’s figures.
In my humble opinion, Don Imus looks like a hundred acres of burnt out forest – and that’s not just after he wakes up in the morning in an alley.
In my humble opinion, between Hillary Clinton and Wesley Clark, the Democrats have once again offered us that notorious choice between the evil of two lessers.
In my humble opinion, if Howard Dean had been an astronaut there would be a white flag planted on the moon.
In my humble opinion, Janeane Garofalo is Rosie O’Donnell all rolled up into one.
In my humble opinion, giving illegal aliens birth certificates will just make it that much tougher to tell them apart from bastards lucky enough to be born here.
In my humble opinion, Bill Clinton will be remembered as the President who closed the gap between lechery and treachery.
In my humble opinion, King Henry the VIII would have known what to do with Queen Latifah.
In my humble opinion, it is time to go to the United Nations’ cloakroom, throw all the turbans and fezzes out into the street, and see if those delegates can take a hint. The UN continues to demonstrate an inexhaustible capacity to fail in its mission.
In my humble opinion, if Yasser Arafat had been born into a family of warthogs, Mom and Pop Warthog would have put him up for adoption.
In my humble opinion, there wouldn’t be so many gays guys all over the place if they would just wait in the closet until Mr. Right comes along.
In my humble opinion, France is the vagina of Europe.
In my humble opinion, in the interest of accuracy, the name should be Hillary Rodham Kremlin.
In my humble opinion, there is a heavy-going irony in the French demanding we leave Iraq willingly - considering the “frogs” had to be driven out of Mexico, driven out of Algeria, driven out of Viet Nam, and are still pissed off because Napoleon got his ass kicked out of Russia.
In my humble opinion, liberalism is a kind of moral syphilis. In this cockeyed world the AIDS epidemic may just stamp out the liberal epidemic.
In my humble opinion, considering his constituency, Al Sharpton might have some success with the campaign slogan, “Take the money and rap.”
In my humble opinion, it is the mission of the United Nations to bring the concept of “everybody” into disrepute.
In my humble opinion, French cuisine is what is fouling up the world’s plumbing. It is not unusual to hear French parents admonish their children to “Eat your dinner before it clogs.”
In my humble opinion, a bigger tragedy for the Kennedy family than losing John and Robert was Teddy finding Vodka and Tonic.
In my humble opinion, another flat out name for racism is “Jesse Jacksonism.”
In my humble opinion, the Clintons are the living proof that getting the approval of the Democrats doesn’t get you the approval of your conscience.
In my humble opinion, Jimmy Carter’s brain slipped into Neutral, which is why his cerebrum keeps spinning its gears.
In my humble opinion, the real politically incorrect term should be the “g” word – “gimme.”
In my humble opinion, Cruz Bustamante “smooth talks” like a lube job on its way to happen. After hearing some of his speeches it’s been suggested he change his name from Cruz Bustamante to Snooze Bustamante.
In my humble opinion, turpitude not only describes Bill Clinton’s character but also sounds like stuff Sam Donaldson puts in his hair.
In my humble opinion, Affirmative Action is providing more diversity among dropouts.
In my humble opinion, Arianna Huffington is the Gabor Sister Eva and Zsa Zsa never liked to talk about – the one aptly named Bimbo Gabor.
In my humble opinion, In light of the Kobe Bryant to-do, New Yorker Magazine writer Toni Morrison’s assertion that Bill Clinton is black becomes increasingly reasonable.
In my humble opinion, Trent Lott stepping down as Majority Leader in the Senate left the Republicans with a cowardice vacuum – but not for long.
In my humble opinion, worse than a cancer on civilization, history will prove Islam is a cancer on time itself.
In my humble opinion, the admiration in which Bill Clinton has come to be held in The Emerald Isle suggests not that the Irish drink too much, but that they don’t drink enough.
In my humble opinion, Mexicans invented serapes so they wouldn’t have to roll up their sleeves and go to work.
In my humble opinion, it’s not out of the question that Yasser Arafat is a pedophile who tries to attract children by wearing a funny rag on his head.
In my humble opinion, the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics is alive and well and living in Chappaqua, New York.
In my humble opinion, Monica Lewinsky’s oral aperture was perfectly designed to hide unsightly perpendicularities.
In my humble opinion, Roe versus Wade sounds like the decision illegal aliens have to make about the best way to sneak across the Rio Grande. and, incidentally ...
In my humble opinion, nation-building is what finished The Roman Empire.
Norman Liebmann is a former Television writer (Johnny Carson, Dean Martin; wrote and produced Chico and the Man, and created the characters for The Munsters). NOTE TO READERS: The preceding is a humor and satire column. Some of the content may be explicit and reader discretion is advised.
________________________________
Changes to your subscription (unsubs, nomail, digest) can be made by going to http://sandboxmail.net/mailman/listinfo/sndbox_sandboxmail.net
