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Charles Mims's Personal Humorscope
for Monday, October 27, 2003
I went to the doctor today. Apparently I'm so diseased they're going to
have to amputate my entire body! There'll be nothing left!
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Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Twelve freshly cut rods (made from ash) will be found in a
peculiar pattern on the lawn. Two large black crows will watch you
solemnly from the top of a parked VW Microbus. The weather will turn
colder, and the air, although clear, will seem grey. Don't worry,
though, it's probably nothing.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Small fluffy animals will come over and lean on you,
today. It's just their way of showing their appreciation, and of
telling you that you are furniture.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Good day to examine your cuticles. If you do that
studiously enough, I'm quite sure nobody will realize you're not
paying any attention.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
More trouble with that annoying "bluebird of happiness"
today. With any luck, the cat will get it.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Good day to make a nice pot of gruel. Isn't it strange,
how difficult it is these days to find gruel on the menu at
restaurants? Perhaps you should start your own restaurant (e.g. The
Gruel Pot) to rectify that situation.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Bad day to call someone a "whiney gen-x cybercowboy."
Tomorrow's better, for that one.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
You will be attacked by a man wielding a ham sandwich.
Fortunately, you will remember your self-defense lessons, and should
be able to drive him off using a bunch of celery.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Good day to make Mexican food. Just don't drink the water.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Good day to go out and play in the mud. Or at least, find
some way of making squishy sounds.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Good day to go around "nudging" people.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
You will be visited by missionaries today, and will
finally have an excellent opportunity to slip into your demon costume
before opening the door.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
You will get one of those pre-mixed salads in a new
high-tech bag that "breathes." Or, in this case, wheezes.
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