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Charles Mims's Personal Humorscope
for Tuesday, October 28, 2003
Cave Canem - beware of the dog |
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Hmm. Hard to read this one. The carrot stopped right
between "kidnapped and tortured" and "wins the lottery." Probably a
little of both, I'd guess.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
You will dream about arrows without points, tonight, and
it will have a deeply spiritual significance for you. You won't know
what to make of the episode with the lime jello, though.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
You will have more psychotronic energy today than usual. I
recommend that you direct it towards the fridge. There's something
alive in there.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Good day to hold hands. If you don't currently have a
spouse or girlfriend/boyfriend, you can probably find a fake "severed
hand" at a magic supplies store. That might be a good thing to pick up
in any case? You never know when it might come in handy.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
A friend will ask you to give her a ride to Main street.
You'll forget where you're going, though, and drive her to
Distraction.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You are developing a strangely magnetic personality. Soon
people you don't even know will begin hanging around with you, hoping
for some small sign of your attention. Also, iron filings will begin
sticking to the tip of your nose.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Focus on financial issues today. It's OK to keep putting
your money in your mattress, but you might want to switch to paper
money. (It's less jingley.)
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Beware of the Spanish Inquisition, today. They may show up
unexpectedly.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Excellent day to refer to everyone as "Doctor." This will
make them grin, and they'll forget all about that favor they were
going to ask of you.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Today you will read a small booklet titled How To Make
A Fortune in Frog Farming, which will change your life.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Today you will be "mooned" by a cat. Fortunately, you
won't notice.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Bring extra. You'll need it.
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