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Charles Mims's Personal Humorscope
for Wednesday, October 29, 2003
"In a mad world only the mad are sane." -- Akira Kurosawa
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Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Today you will order the dinner "special" at a restaurant.
You will regret this, however. Why? Okra.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Later this week you'll feel much like Scarlet O'Hara did,
when she said, "I'll never be hungry again!"
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Excellent time to take up weasel ranching. Or at least to
claim that's what you do, at parties.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
You will be afire with enthusiasm today! Unfortunately,
someone will put you out.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
To your vast embarrassment, you will be unable to describe
the differences between halibut, sole, and flounder. It's easy to
remember, though -- they are (in order) "big", "small", and "clumsy."
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
I see you making a special trip to the store today, to get
something. It's in a sort of yellow-ish little box, about the size of
a toothpaste box, I think. It's "prep-something"? Ah!
"Preparation"-something, I think. Oh. Ahem. Anyway, if it's any
consolation, I hear that Jet Fighter pilots have that problem much
worse than most people. All that acceleration, you know. Don't worry
-- your secret is safe with me!
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
You will overhear people talking about you today, and
realize that you have a reputation as a real stud hombre cyber-muffin.
You will find that intensely irritating.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Good day to act sneaky. Try glancing sidelong at people,
or standing just out of sight.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Today you'll have one of those baffling moments when
you're sure you spelled a word correctly, but your spelling checker
will still complain. Ask someone nearby how they spell it. They'll
spell it the same way you do, much to your rolaids.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Your ancestors were berserkers -- feared warriors who
attacked without fear or common sense. You will soon enter the same
state of mind, and when you finally "snap out of it", you will find an
enormous pile of peeled potatoes and family members edging towards the
door.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
As a joke today, you will get an alarmed _expression_ on
your face, crouch on someone's carpet, and start making disgusting
"huck, huck!" sounds. The joke's on you, though, since they will
insist that you eat some hairball remedy.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
You will go to a Chinese restaurant and decide to try
something new. Don't do it! It's not as good as your favorite.
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