Do you remember the famous "Who's on First?" Here is a modern day "Who's at the computer?" in that style:
STORE: Ultimate SuperDuper Computer Store. Can I help you?
CUSTOMER: Thanks. I'm setting up a home office in the den, and I'm
thinking of buying a computer.
STORE: Mac?
CUSTOMER: No, the name is Bud.
STORE: Your computer?
CUSTOMER: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
STORE: Mac?
CUSTOMER: I told you, my name is Bud.
STORE: What about Windows?
CUSTOMER: Why? Does it get stuffy?
STORE: Do you want a computer with Windows?
CUSTOMER: I don't know. What do I see when I look out the windows?
STORE: Wallpaper.
CUSTOMER: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
STORE: Software that runs on Windows?
CUSTOMER: No, on the computer! I need something I can use to write
proposals, track expenses. You know, run a business. What have you got?
STORE: Office.
CUSTOMER: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
STORE: I just did.
CUSTOMER: You just did what?
STORE: Recommended something.
CUSTOMER: You recommended something?
STORE: Yes.
CUSTOMER: For my office?
STORE: Yes.
CUSTOMER: Okay, what did you recommend for my office?
STORE: Office.
CUSTOMER: Yes, for my office.
STORE: Office for Windows.
CUSTOMER: I already have an office and it already has windows! Let's
say I'm sitting at my computer, and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
STORE: Word.
CUSTOMER: If I'm writing a proposal, I'm going to need lots of words.
But what program do I load?
STORE: Word.
CUSTOMER: What word?
STORE: The Word in Office.
CUSTOMER: The only word in office is office.
STORE: The Word in Office for Windows.
CUSTOMER: Which word in "office for windows?"
STORE: The Word you get when you click the blue W.
CUSTOMER: I'm going to click your big W if you don't give me a
straight answer. Let's forget about words for a minute. What do I
need if I want to watch a movie over the Internet?
STORE: RealOne.
CUSTOMER: Maybe a real movie, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none
of your business. But what do I need to watch it?
STORE: RealOne.
CUSTOMER: If it's a long movie I'll also want to watch reels
two, three and four. Can I watch reel four?
STORE: Of course.
CUSTOMER: Great! With what?
STORE: RealOne.
CUSTOMER: Okay, so I'm sitting at my computer and I want to watch a
movie. What do I do?
STORE: You click the blue 1.
CUSTOMER: I click the blue one what?
STORE: The blue 1.
CUSTOMER: Is that different from the blue W?
STORE: Of course it is. The blue 1 is RealOne. The blue W is Word.
CUSTOMER: What word?
STORE: The Word in Office for Windows.
CUSTOMER: But there's three words in "office for windows!"
STORE: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world.
CUSTOMER: It is?
STORE: Yes, although to be fair there aren't many other Words left.
It pretty much wiped out all the other Words.
CUSTOMER: And that word is the real one?
STORE: No. RealOne has nothing to do with Word. RealOne isn't even
part of Office.
CUSTOMER: Never mind; I don't want to get started with that again.
But I also need something for bank accounts, loans, and so on. What
do you have to help me track my money?
STORE: Money.
CUSTOMER: That's right. What do you have?
STORE: Money.
CUSTOMER: I need money to track my money?
STORE: No, not really. It comes bundled with your computer.
CUSTOMER: What comes bundled with my computer?
STORE: Money.
CUSTOMER: Money comes bundled with my computer?
STORE: Exactly. No extra charge.
CUSTOMER: I get a bundle of money with my computer at no extra
charge? How much money do I get?
STORE: Just one copy.
CUSTOMER: I get a copy of money. Isn't that illegal?
STORE: No. We have a license from Microsoft to make copies of Money.
CUSTOMER: Microsoft can license you to make money?
STORE: Why not? They own it.
CUSTOMER: Well, it's great that I'm going to get free money, but I'll
still need to track it. Do you have anything for managing your money?
STORE: Managing Your Money? That program disappeared years ago.
CUSTOMER: Well, what do you sell in its place?
STORE: Money.
CUSTOMER: You sell money?
STORE: Of course. But if you buy a computer from us, you get it for free.
CUSTOMER: That's all very wonderful, but I'll be running a business.
Do you have any software for, you know, accounting?
STORE: Simply Accounting.
CUSTOMER: Probably, but it might get a little complicated.
STORE: If you don't want Simply Accounting, you might try M.Y.O.B.
CUSTOMER: M.Y.O.B.? What does that stand for?
STORE: Mind Your Own Business.
CUSTOMER: I beg your pardon?
STORE: No, that would be I.B.Y.P. I said M.Y.O.B.
CUSTOMER: Look, I just need to do some accounting for my home
business. You know-- accounting? You do it with money.
STORE: Of course you can do accounting with Money. But you may need more.
CUSTOMER: More money?
STORE: More than Money. Money can't do everything.
CUSTOMER: I don't need a sermon! Okay, let's forget about money for
the moment. I'm worried that my computer might...what's the word? Crash.
And if my computer crashes, what can I use to restore my data?
STORE: GoBack.
CUSTOMER: Okay. I'm worried about my computer smashing and I need
something to restore my data. What do you recommend?
STORE: GoBack.
CUSTOMER: How many times do I have to repeat myself?
STORE: I've never asked you to repeat yourself. All I said was GoBack.
CUSTOMER: How can I go back if I haven't even been anywhere? Okay,
I'll go back. What do I need to write a proposal?
STORE: Word.
CUSTOMER: But I'll need lots of words to write a proposal.
STORE: No, you only need one Word - the Word in Office for Windows.
CUSTOMER: But there's three words in...Oh, never mind.
STORE: Hello? Hello? Customers! Why do they always hang up on me?
Oh, well. Ultimate SuperDuper Computer Store. Can I help you?
Charles Mims
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