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Charles Mims's Personal Humorscope
for Thursday, November 13, 2003
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite
gender in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this
purpose.
In a Zurich Hotel |
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
To your chagrin and horror, you will find yourself humming
along with "muzac" in the grocery store. It's the beginning of the
long slow slide, I'm afraid. Next stop: collecting "nick nacks."
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
.syas enoyna gniht elgnis a dnatsrednu ot elba eb t'now
uoy yadot, ylddO
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
You will start having strange dreams of becoming an
aquatic creature. Eventually, you'll spend nearly all your time in the
water, and will attempt to get strangers to throw you fish.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
So. You let your "mole plants" die. Now the moles are
back, and this time they mean business. No more Mr. Nice Mole. Try
burying a line of eucalyptus cough drops along your property line. If
that doesn't work, there's a chance you can buy a nuclear warhead from
Ukraine.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
You will find a strangely heavy small gold ring today,
embedded in the center of an obviously volcanic rock. There is some
writing, in a script unlike any you've ever seen, running around the
ring, although you can't really see it unless you heat it up in a
fire...
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Things aren't going as well as they should for you. The
main thing to do is to find someone else to blame, and move on.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
A man with a mystical yet somehow tortured _expression_ will
stop you on the street, today, and ask you for a name brand of
prepared mustard. If you carry a jar with you, and surprise him, you
will make his life seem worthwhile.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Today you will conclusively prove that despite what most
people regard as common knowledge, monkeys only rarely chase weasels
around the mulberry bush. They normally engage in that sort of thing
over by the petunias.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
About your new idea... Sure, I'll bet you could sell your
handmade voodoo dolls by marketing them over the Internet. The
competition, however, can be "fierce." You might want to stop and
consider how many flights of stairs you're interested in falling down,
before you commit yourself to that course of action...
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Hide.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Today you'll develop a rare mental disorder, causing you
to mix metaphors. But don't you worry -- you can't make an omlette
without a silver lining, and in this case, you'll discover that
everyone will confuse mixed metaphors with management potential. BIG
promotion in store.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
That bad smell in the closet will get stronger. Time to
investigate. |
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