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Charles Mims's Personal Humorscope
for Friday, November 28, 2003
"May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house." --
George Carlin |
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Stay home today, with the curtains drawn and the door
locked. Trust me on this one.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Today you'll suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous
fortune, and believe me, that'll hurt.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
People will tease you about wearing your golf shoes
indoors. Don't you mind them, though -- they're undoubtedly just
jealous.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
You'll be feeling tired and discouraged today, but will be
able to raise your spirits by pretending to be a cartoon character.
ACME products may be featured, as well.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Someone will turn a cold shoulder to you, and your
feelings will be hurt. You'll get even by turning a tepid elbow to
them, later. Just don't let it escalate to the blazing ankles stage,
is all.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Don't forget your towel, today. I usually find I'm less
likely to forget things, if I wrap them around my head. Everyone has
their own mnemonic tricks, though.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
You will have a completely boring, uneventful day. Then
you'll go home, eat the same thing you always eat, watch a re-run, and
go to bed. Then you'll be abducted by aliens, who will tease you.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
You should give your car a name, so people will be more
impressed when you give them a ride. I think you should call yours
"The Federation Starship Intrepid." And always do that little
two-finger wave and say "engage", when you start off, of course.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
You will notice an odd stone "egg" in an antique shop.
Don't bring it home. They're very hungry right after they
hatch.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
At this point you have two choices: you can either get a
haircut, or dye your hair white and black and pretend to be an old
english sheepdog. The latter is usually more fun, but slightly less
practical.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
You will decide to take up juggling, today, and will
become exceedingly good at it. Eventually, you'll start an offbeat new
religion, and proclaim that Supreme Truth will be revealed to those
who juggle.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Bad day to tease a yak.
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