Title: The Daily Humorscope
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Charles Mims's Personal Humorscope
for Sunday, December 14, 2003
People have to talk about something just to keep their voice boxes in
working order so they'll have good voice boxes in case there's ever
anything really meaningful to say.
Kurt Vonnegut Jr., Breakfast of Champions
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Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Good week to greet everyone with great enthusiasm. For
example, "Bob! You're still alive!" (Everyone likes to feel
appreciated.)
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
You will finally find your spirit guide today, and your
life will take on new meaning. Unfortunately for you, your spirit
guide will turn out to have a sense of humor.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Today you will watch something like a hawk. Basically, you
do that by having unblinking beady little eyes, and a brain the size
of a peanut.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
After spending days learning to simultaneously pat your
head and rub your tummy, you will move on today to patting your head
and rubbing someone else's tummy.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Today you will lose all self-control. You'll find it again
tomorrow, though -- it just rolled under the couch.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You've been complaining too much, lately. You might find
more to enjoy in your life by watching a documentary about a
lot of people starving to death in miserable third-world slums. I know
that always cheers me right up!
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Absolutely marvelous day to complain, grumble, gripe, or
whine. Remember: if you're going to do something, do it well.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
At the same moment you read this, someone will be thinking
about you and smiling. In a moment, they'll be laughing outright.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Try to praise in public and criticize in private. Just
never, ever, criticize privates.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
A dirigible will hover nearby today, and you will have the
uneasy feeling that you are being watched. You are, but so what?
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Today you will discover that you have no real friends. Or
at least, that they don't cast a shadow.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Not a good time to discuss sauerkraut. At least not if you
value your friendships, and your sanity.
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