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Charles Mims's Personal Humorscope
for Wednesday, December 17, 2003
"Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer,
sex raises some pretty good questions." -- Woody Allen
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Aries (March 21 -
April 19)
You will discover that you can see people's auras
today, if you squint. That should be done in moderation, however, as many
people object to being squinted at.
Taurus (April 20
- May 20)
Good day to wear overalls and discuss bean farming
with retired people at a diner or family-style restaurant. Or at least,
that's a lot more fun than what you'd be doing otherwise.
Gemini (May 21 -
June 20)
Good day to excavate. You will find the ruins of an
ancient civilization, and become famous.
Cancer (June 21
- July 22)
This is a good time for you to start your on-line
loan shark business. Start small, though. Try to be sort of a "loan
piranha", at first.
Leo (July 23 -
August 22)
Your neighbors will have a wild party, which you'll
catch glimpses of through the open window. You'll know you shouldn't watch,
but it's just hard to imagine how people can do
that, especially on a trampoline.
Virgo (August 23
- September 22)
Sadly, nobody will like your latest recipe
invention. Perhaps the world isn't ready for a meatloaf smoothie?
Libra (September
22 - October 22)
You will mortally offend a friend today when a
hilarious joke pops unbidden into your mind during your friend's sad
description of his problems.
Scorpio (October 23
- November 21)
You will have a visit from "The Scourge of
Valderia." He's thin, small, balding, wears little round glasses, and
dresses in a rumpled blue suit. Still you don't
want to cross him.
Sagittarius
(November 22 - December 21)
Everyone you work with will start spending a lot of
time balancing things on their nose. This could be bad. You may have a
renegade seal trainer lurking in your midst!
Capricorn
(December 22 - January 20)
Today you will be watched by cats. It's nothing
really worth worrying about, I'm sure. Did you know that you've started
making little unconscious "squeaks" when you're concentrating on
something?
Aquarius
(January 21 - February 18)
Not an especially good day to play with crossbows,
guns, machetes, flame throwers, mortars, heavy artillery, knives, ninja
throwing stars, spears, maces, or nuclear weaponry. At least not all at once.
Why not go out and putter about in the garden?
Pisces (February
19 - March 20)
Today is not
a good day to be yourself. In fact, that might even be dangerous. Be someone
else, until further notice.
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