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Charles Mims's Personal Humorscope
for Friday, December 19, 2003
What is a committee? A group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit,
to do the unnecessary. -- Richard Harkness, _The New York Times_, 1960
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Aries (March 21 -
April 19)
Today you shall laugh your bitter laugh. You'll also
sneeze your bitter sneeze.
Taurus (April 20
- May 20)
By careful detective work and a hidden
pressure-sensitive scale, you will discover that the young woman next door
weighs the same as a duck. Be careful! And if I were you, I'd put your duck
on a diet.
Gemini (May 21 -
June 20)
You will become a bit nervous when you spot the
Feldsteins, next door, doing a Bantu war dance. Perhaps you should call in
sick today, and just stay indoors watching Wheel Of Fortune?
Cancer (June 21
- July 22)
Stop slouching, and sit up straight! How do you
expect to get ahead in the world if you pay no attention to proper posture?
Leo (July 23 -
August 22)
As Buckaroo Banzai said, "No matter where you
go, there you are." Oddly, this will not be entirely the case for you,
today.
Virgo (August 23
- September 22)
You will need two torches, a sword, leather armor,
and a significant amount of courage today. And for heaven's sake, don't
forget the twine.
Libra (September
22 - October 22)
Good day to ponder the parable of the itsy bitsy
spider, and the futility of climbing up water spouts during spring weather.
You'll be able to apply this lesson to one of your current relationships.
Scorpio (October 23
- November 21)
Excellent time to do some personal reengineering. I
mean, face it - your mother simply wasn't much of an engineer...
Sagittarius
(November 22 - December 21)
Today you will notice yet another large freshly-dug
mound of dirt in your neighbor's back yard. It's probably nothing -- he
probably just digs at night if he can't get to sleep. I know I do.
Capricorn
(December 22 - January 20)
You will spend the day attempting to rest, but
whenever you fall asleep you'll return to the same nightmare of being
transformed into a chihuahua, and will wake, screaming (in a very
high-pitched, whiny, and annoying sort of way).
Aquarius
(January 21 - February 18)
Nothing ventured, nothing gained, is the rule for
now. In fact, "nothing" will play a very large part in your future.
Pisces (February
19 - March 20)
Someone will stop you today, to ask directions. Tell
them to take the second star to the right, and go straight on till morning.
(I personally never ask for directions, since I find it's always much more
effective to find someone who looks like they know where they're going, and
follow them. I also always tell people that my name is "Svlad."
It's something to do.)
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