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Charles Mims's Personal Humorscope
for Thursday, December 25, 2003
"Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you
meet reminds you of someone else." -- Ogden Nash |
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Someone will give you a card, today. It'll be nice.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Due to forces beyond comprehension, you will begin talking
with a Texas accent. Eventually, you'll come out with audio tapes to
teach this to others, which you will call "Bubba-Bonics."
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
You will realize, today, that there's more than just good
manners to the statement: "never yodel with your mouth full."
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Good day to let sleeping dogs lie. After all, the poor
things seem to be completely exhausted, most of the time. My dog,
Maggie, is asleep right now (after a good night's sleep, and a nice
morning nap, followed by a good snooze). It's a tough life, but
someone's got to do it.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Today you will lie to yourself. Amusingly, you will be
completely taken in, and will be very annoyed later when the truth
comes out.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You will watch a lot of TV today. But that's ok, if that's
really what you want.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
You might consider picking up some holy water and a few
stout wooden stakes. They'll come in handy soon, although I'm not sure
how.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
You will find happiness. It will look a lot like
tranquility, only a bit fluffier.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Today you will realize that you've always wanted to have
the biggest ball of string in town, and will start collecting odd bits
of string at every opportunity. Eventually, you will make it into the
Guiness Book of World Records, right next to the record set by Mr. S. Boondoggle.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Excellent day to act childish. For example, when's the
last time you ordered a drink with a straw, and blew bubbles in it? Or
you could pout, if you want. (Be sure to go for good lip extension,
though).
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Today you should enjoy "postlaunch solarizing." Q: What
does that mean? A: How should I know? It's your life, you tell me.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
You look rediculous in that. Go and change.
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