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Charles Mims's Personal Humorscope
for Wednesday, December 24, 2003
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Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Beware! Someone is about to come give you a hug.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Today the universe will stop expanding, and start
contracting. You will be the only one who notices. Also, you will
develop a strange desire to wear golf shoes.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
You will invent a new sort of optical illusion today,
involving 6 straight lines, an assortment of blobs, and a picture of
an iguana. Everyone will gasp in amazement.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
You will spend another full day attempting to shuffle a
deck of cards with your toes. Fortunately, nobody will find out.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Today you'll go buy a white jacket, and start working
towards your dream: the resurgence of Disco! And you'll be successful,
too! Yes, over the course of your life, you'll get literally
several people interested.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Good day to curl up with a good book. Later, you will
build a fort out of your furniture and some sheets, and shoot rubber
bands at people.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
You will feel an odd compulsion to stack books,
symmetrically, in the public library. Try to resist it.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
You will be misidentified, on national TV, as a renowned
ichthyologist. Several people will call you, long distance, to ask
about the mating habits of Tilapia.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Someone will ask you what you want to do this weekend.
That may seem like a good time to say "What am I, psychic?" It's not,
though.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
You've been finding that the best-laid plans of mice and
men often go astray. Or is that awry? Awiggly? It's something along
those lines. Anyway, the thing to do is to fire your mice.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Those spiders are growing larger around your house, and
it's becoming more of a challenge to escape. You may want to consider
acquiring a flame thrower. (Hint: illicit nuclear dump nearby.)
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
A package will arrive for you today, from a distant
relative in Tibet. Scarlet-robed assassins will begin following you.
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