Would not surprise
me if it were true
From:
[EMAIL PROTECTED] [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of Charles
Sent: Friday, January 02, 2004
2:17 PM
To: Charles
Subject: [Sndbox] I've seen this
before, but it is still funny
Subject:
The Office Christmas Party
Date:
October 01, 2003
FROM:
Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
RE:
Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take
place on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at
the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll
have a small band playing
traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised
if
our CEO
shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at
1:00PM.
Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no
gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for
everyone's
pockets.
This gathering is only for employees! Our CEO will make a special
announcement
at that time!
Merry
Christmas to you and your family.
Patty
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====
=
FROM:
Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE:
October 02, 2003
RE:
Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish
employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which
often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.
However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The
same
policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians or those
still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree
present. No Christmas carols sung. We will
have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy
now?
Happy
Holidays to you and your family.
Patty
=======================================================================
====
=
FROM:
Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All
Employees
DATE:
October 03, 2003
RE:
Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm
happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that
reads, "AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I
supposed
to handle this? Somebody?
Forget
about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed since
the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives
believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.
NO GIFTS
EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
=======================================================================
====
=
FROM:
Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE:
October 04, 2003
RE:
Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the
Muslim
holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during
daylight hours.
There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at
this
time
of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps
the
Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the
party or
else
package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy.
Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers
to sit
farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the
table
closest to the restrooms.
Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit
with
Gay men,
each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement
for
the Gay
men's table. To the person asking permission to crossdress, no
crossdressing
allowed though. We will have booster seats for short people.
Low-fat
food
will be
available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the
food
we
suggest
for those people with high blood pressure to taste first. There will be
fresh
fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No
Sugar"
desserts. Sorry!
Did I
miss anything?!?!?
Patty
=======================================================================
====
=
FROM:
Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All
Damn Employees
DATE:
October 05, 2003
RE: The
Damn Holiday Party
Vegetarian pricks, I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep
this
party at
the
Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the
table
furthest
from
the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your
damn salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have
feelings,
too. They
scream
when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them
scream
right NOW! I hope you all have a rotten holiday!
Drive
drunk and die,
The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!
=======================================================================
====
FROM:
Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: October
06, 2003
RE: Patty
Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery
and
I'll
continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management has
decided
to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of
the 23rd off
with full
pay.
Happy
Holidays!
