Title: The Daily Humorscope
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Charles Mims's Personal Humorscope
for Wednesday, January 21, 2004
Carpe ovum - sieze the egg |
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
As a joke today, you will get an alarmed _expression_ on
your face, crouch on someone's carpet, and start making disgusting
"huck, huck!" sounds. The joke's on you, though, since they will
insist that you eat some hairball remedy.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Despite your best efforts, you will be unable to get your
book published. But all you really need to do is change the title! "A
Comparative Study of Invertibrate Parasites" is not likely to
be published. But "A Bucket Full Of Leeches"? Now that's
another story.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Good day to use the _expression_ "just dandy" as much as
possible. Tomorrow: "okey dokey" day.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
In one of those amusing mix-ups that happen so frequently
in modern life, a friend of yours will have mistaken your reference to
"her suit" and thought you said "hirsute." Still, this may prove a
little awkward.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
You find that after all these years, you are finally
beginning to conquer your fears. You will find that oddly frightening.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You will unearth a small stone figurine, while digging in
a garden. If you set it on your television and put a small bowl of
fruit in front of it, those unsightly warts should clear up in a week
or two.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
You are about to invent a night light in the shape of a
chess piece, which you will name the "Nighty Knight." You should be
ashamed of yourself.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Today's a good day for original thinking and bursts of
creativity. Also, not a good day to wear flammable clothing.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
You will find a many-legged creature under the fridge.
Unfortunately, it will be the size of a small horse, and actually will
be making off with the fridge, when you spot it. My advice? Let him
have it.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Try to work the words "happenstance" and "ineffable" into
your conversation today. It turns out that most people believe any
sentence that has the word "ineffable" in it. Such as that one.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
You will accidentally step on someone's foot, and they
will say "Ow!." That's when I usually say "No pain, no gain."
Sometimes people don't like me. I've never figured out why.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Thrombosis. Beware. Also, your best friend will rush up
and indicate by nonverbal means that Timmy is trapped under a log
again. |
[>>Charles<<]
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