| Sci Fi unleashes a not-so-perfect
'Storm' We hear a lot about "chick flicks." Those looking for the definition of a "guy movie" are in luck. The 2004 special effects fantasy "Dragon Storm" (9 p.m., Saturday, Sci Fi) serves as a crude but effective example. You know it's a guy movie right off the bat because the first 10 minutes of the film consist of nothing but violence and mayhem. Deep in the heart of medieval Carpathia (I've been waiting all my life to write that phrase), meteors or asteroids, or something cosmically nasty, rain fire from the sky. But these don't merely burn holes in the ground. They are actually flaming pods that contain space dragons that go on to fly, breathe fire and incinerate everything and everyone in their path, from hut to hovel to castle. Did I mention that all of this really cool stuff happens in the first 10 minutes of the movie? The next hour and 50 minutes are not as spectacular in the burning and screaming departments, but they follow the rules of the guy-movie genre. Unfortunately, this period marks the beginning of the film's dialogue, which is so stilted it appears to have been dubbed, even though "Dragon Storm" sports an English-speaking cast. One of the roasted castles belongs to a bad king (John Rhys-Davies, "Lord of the Rings"), who has to travel to the castle of a good king to take shelter. Along the way he encounters a wily, handsome hunter (Maxwell Caulfield) who is later enlisted by the good king to battle the intergalactic fire-breathers. As in most guy movies, the hunter assembles a posse of misfits -- which in this case includes a not-so-gentle giant and a Mongolian kung fu master, as well as the good king's beautiful, crossbow-wielding daughter. Will this Carpathian dirty dozen be able conquer the space reptiles? You'll just have indulge your inner eight-year-old and watch "Dragon Storm" to find out. -- "The 61st Annual Golden Globe Awards" (8 p.m., Sunday, NBC, TV-14) has become a big and slick production. And that's too bad. They used to be fun, intimate, sloppy and, let's be honest, completely meaningless. Now they're so huge, the Academy Awards has moved from March to February to stay relevant. The awards are so hotly anticipated that they've created their own entertainment ecosystem. "Globe"-related programs have sprung up in its very shadow. NBC offers the "Golden Globes Arrival Special" (7 p.m., TV-14) for those who want to see the stars hit the red carpet. Not to be scooped, the E! network offers six hours of "Globe" mania, starting at noon, Eastern, featuring special correspondents Nicky ("I'm not Paris") Hilton and Richard ("Deal a Meal") Simmons. Mother-daughter squawkers Joan and Melissa Rivers will host a two-hour special "Live from the Red Carpet" (6 p.m., Eastern, E!). For those who just can't endure the sound of two Rivers running their mouths, E!'s own sister network Style, offers a two-hour "Live from the Red Carpet" (6 p.m., Eastern, Style) spectacular. Finola Hughes hosts. Finally, for those "Golden Globe" agnostics who like to scoff at the pure ballyhoo, there's the documentary expose "The Golden Globes: Hollywood's Dirty Little Secret" (8 p.m., Saturday, and 7 p.m., Sunday, Trio). -- Can't wait for the Globes? Don't fret. Zooey Deshchanel and Jake Gyllenhaal co-host the "2004 Sundance Film Festival Awards" (9 p.m. Eastern, Saturday, Sundance). -- It's not a primetime show, so it doesn't get much attention in this column, but fans of intelligent television should raise a glass of orange juice and toast the 25th anniversary and 1,295th broadcast of "CBS News Sunday Morning" (9 a.m., Sunday, CBS). -- In a casting coup that should delight English majors everywhere, reclusive novelist Thomas Pynchon ("V," "Gravity's Rainbow") appears (in cartoon form) on "The Simpsons" (8 p.m., Sunday, Fox, TV-PG). Pynchon appears with best-selling thriller writer Tom Clancy when both men are asked to provide a promotional blurb for Marge's new book. SATURDAY'S HIGHLIGHTS -- Arsenio Hall hosts "Star Search" (8 p.m., CBS). -- On back-to-back episodes of "The Apprentice" (NBC, r), an ad campaign for a corporate jet (8 p.m.), Sam takes command (9 p.m.). -- The voices of Dave Foley, Kevin Spacey and Julia Louis-Dreyfus are featured in the 1998 animated comedy "A Bug's Life" (8 p.m., ABC). -- The four-part, four-hour series "Barbarians" (8 p.m., History, r) profiles the Vikings, Goths, Mongols and Huns. -- A husband accuses his hard-drinking wife of endangering the health of their unborn child on "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit" (9:59 p.m., NBC, r, TV-14). -- Adrian goes undercover on the boards after a murder in the theater on "Monk" (10 p.m., ABC, r, TV-PG). SUNDAY'S HIGHLIGHTS -- Scheduled on "60 Minutes" (7 p.m., CBS): well-known companies that do business with rogue states; a profile of Sen. John Kerry (D-Mass.); the final voyage of the QEII. -- The four-hour series "Targeted" (8 p.m., History, concludes Monday) documents the international manhunts to capture or kill terrorists and war criminals. -- Tea Leoni plays an MSNBC reporter who chooses an apocalyptic moment to bond with her family in the odd and gloomy 1998 meteor thriller "Deep Impact" (9 p.m., CBS, TV-14). -- Larry accuses a weatherman of having a personal agenda on "Curb Your Enthusiasm" (9:30 p.m., HBO). -- Alan's childhood chum faces homicide charges on "The Practice" (10 p.m., ABC, TV-14). CULT CHOICE Charlton Heston, Ava Gardner and George Kennedy star in the 1974 disaster epic "Earthquake" (8 p.m., Saturday, AMC). The film was released in "Sensurround," a seat-rumbling special effect that was honored with an Oscar. SATURDAY SERIES On back-to-back episodes of "Cops" (Fox, TV-14,D,L), license plate confusion (8 p.m.), hostage violence (8:30 p.m., r) ... Mike's pals are victims of a gay bashing on "Hack" (9 p.m., CBS, TV-PG,V) ... John Walsh hosts "America's Most Wanted" (9 p.m., Fox, TV-PG) ... A lobbyist's apparent suicide may be murder on "The District" (10 p.m., CBS, TV-PG,V). SUNDAY SERIES A case from 1939 reopens on "Cold Case" (8 p.m., CBS, TV-PG) ... A romance between gang affiliated teens on "10-8" (8 p.m., ABC, TV-PG) ... Phoebe channels the spirit of Mata Hari on "Charmed" (8 p.m., WB, TV-PG,D,L,V) ... Ellen DeGeneres guest stars on "Bernie Mac" (8:30 p.m., Fox, TV-PG). Hal's hot tub hygiene problem on "Malcolm in the Middle" (9 p.m., Fox, TV-PG) ... After two years, Sydney and Vaughn work as a team on "Alias" (9 p.m., ABC, TV-14,V) ... A visit from a psychic on "The Surreal Life" (9 p.m., WB, TV-PG) ... A publicity ploy backfires on "Arrested Development" (9:30 p.m., Fox, TV-PG). |
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Copyright 2004, United
Feature Syndicate, Inc. | ||||||||
Charles Mims
Danger - if you meet it promptly and without flinching - you will reduce the danger by half. Never run away from anything. Never! - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill
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