'What happened
to your queer party-friends?'
Ann Coulter (archive)
January 22, 2004 | Print | Send
The endless receding nightmare of the Iowa caucuses has finally produced
something interesting: The Democrats have one hellacious catfight on their
hands.
After all the hoopla about Howard Dean's new mass movement of "Deaniacs," it
appears that blanketing Iowa with self-righteous 20-year-olds in orange wool
caps may not have been the ideal campaign strategy. Dean's distant third-place
finish makes you want to ask him the question Jack Nicholson put to his
down-and-out gay neighbor in "As Good As It Gets": "What happened to your queer party-friends?"
At the behest of the Democratic Party establishment, the media dutifully
destroyed Howard Dean, the legitimate leader of the opposition. Democratic
voters are so obedient to the media, they followed their media puppet masters
and instantly switched from Dean to John Kerry.
But Dean still has the money and foot soldiers and endorsements to stay in
the fight for the foreseeable future. And being from Vermont, Dean should do
well in New Hampshire. I went to a public school, but if I remember my
high-school geography correctly, New Hampshire and Vermont are the same state.
Until Kerry won Iowa, Wesley Clark was viewed as the pre-eminent electable
Democrat principally because he's a Republican. Howard Dean has already said he
believes Clark is a fine fellow but truly a Republican. In response, Gen. Clark
immediately put on a third sweater.
Sadly, it may turn out that Clark's whole raison d'etre is now gone. Never
was so much money, media, chicanery, Gwyneth Paltrow, Madonna, conniving and
Cabala deployed to promote a quote-unquote "electable" Democrat.
Clark was supposed to be the phony American to stop Dean, but Kerry is the
even better phony American! And he's already stopped Dean in Iowa!
Kerry and Clark now represent the two major wings of the Democratic Party –
the Kennedy wing and the Clinton wing. One drowns you after the extramarital
affair; the other one calls you a stalker.
Other than that, there isn't a hair's difference between any of the Democrats
on any substantive issues.
All the Democrats are for higher taxes. All of them favor Hillary's socialist
health-care plan. All of them are for higher pay for teachers and nurses – and
no pay at all for anyone in the pharmaceutical or oil industries, especially
Halliburton executives, who should be sent to Guantanamo. All the Democrats
believe the way to strike fear in the hearts of the terrorists is for the
federal government to invest heavily in windmills.
All the Democrats oppose the war. And all the Democrats who took a position
on the war before it began were for it, but now believe that everything Bush did
from that moment forward has been bad! bad! bad! This is with the exception of
Joe Lieberman who, as an observant Jew, is forbidden to backpedal after sundown
on Fridays. Representing a large flabby chunk of the Kennedy wing, Ted Kennedy
gave a speech last week in which he called the liberation of Iraq a "political
product." Then again, Ted Kennedy calls Chivas Regal "that life-sustaining
liquid."
Finally, all the candidates are willing to sell out any of these other issues
in service of the secret burning desire of all Democrats: abortion on demand. If
they could just figure out a way to abort babies using solar power, that's all
we'd ever hear about.
For all his talk, even Dick Gephardt was willing to abandon blue-collar
workers in a heartbeat. The Teamsters haven't asked for much, only two big votes
in the past decade: (1) Oppose NAFTA, and (2) support drilling on a small,
godforsaken patch of the Alaskan wilderness, as the people who actually live
there have been begging us to do for decades. Like all the other Democrats,
Gephardt voted against the Teamsters – but with Barbra Streisand – to oppose
drilling in the godforsaken Alaskan wilderness.
When Gephardt entered politics he was pro-life. But then, like Al Gore, Jesse
Jackson, Dennis Kucinich and scores of other Democrats with national ambitions,
he quickly figured out that position wasn't, well ... viable. In short order he
had adopted the whole NARAL party line. That's how you woo old-time union
Democrats.
On Monday night, Gephardt was shocked to discover that blue-collar Democrats
have gone the way of patriotic Democrats: They're all Republicans now. (But
thanks for that NAFTA vote a decade ago!) You knew Gephardt was toast when even
responsible journalists have started using words like "decent" and "solid" to
describe the two-faced weasel from Missouri. Though I suppose "decent" has a
pretty broad meaning in a party that still admires Bill Clinton.
The Iowa caucus was just another one of the Democrats' ongoing public debates
about how to fake out the American people. Fifty percent of Iowa Democrats
participating in the caucus said they "strongly disapprove" of the war with Iraq
and another 25 percent "somewhat disapprove."
But more important to Democrats than their pacifism was "electability." The
entire Iowa electorate was committed to the proposition: How do we fool the
neighbors? In the end, the caucus-goers chose a decorated war hero who voted in
favor of the very war that 75 percent of them oppose. So much for the anti-war
fever sweeping the country. The Democrats aren't even man enough to run a
genuine coward for president.
Ann Coulter is host of AnnCoulter.org, a Townhall.com member group.
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right. (Ashleigh Brilliant)
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