I think it's easier to explain in an example than for me to waffle on 
trying to explain myself :)

from sqlalchemy import Column, ForeignKey, Integer, create_engine
from sqlalchemy.ext.declarative import declarative_base
from sqlalchemy.orm import relationship, Session

Base = declarative_base()

class A(Base):
    __tablename__ = "a"

    id = Column(Integer, primary_key=True)
    bs = relationship("B", backref='a')

class B(Base):
    __tablename__ = "b"

    id = Column(Integer, primary_key=True)
    a_id = Column(Integer, ForeignKey('a.id'))

e = create_engine("sqlite://", echo=True)
Base.metadata.create_all(e)
s = Session(e, autoflush=False, autocommit=True)

a1 = A()
b1 = B()
b2 = B()
b3 = B()

a1.bs.append(b1)
s.add(a1)
s.flush()

a1.bs.append(b2)
s.expire_all()

b3.a = a1
assert(b3 in a1.bs) # Yep, as you might expect

b2.a = a1
assert(b2 in a1.bs) # Nope

-- 
SQLAlchemy - 
The Python SQL Toolkit and Object Relational Mapper

http://www.sqlalchemy.org/

To post example code, please provide an MCVE: Minimal, Complete, and Verifiable 
Example.  See  http://stackoverflow.com/help/mcve for a full description.
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