I think that in my younger years that I was a normal on the scooter several nights a week.
But what you did not mention was that occasionally that Hanger-Oners some time accompany one home which leads to WIYN (What is Your Name) and/Or WDW (We Did What) ----- Original Message ----- From: "Galbreath, Mark" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> To: "Struts (E-mail)" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> Sent: Thursday, October 10, 2002 6:45 PM Subject: [FRIDAY] The Legacy of Bacchus > (well, it's Friday in England, anyway....) > > How many times have you woken up in the morning after a hard night of > drinking and thought 'How did I get home?' As hard as you try, you cannot > piece together your return journey from the bar to your home. The answer to > this puzzle is that you used a beer scooter. The beer scooter is a mythical > form of transport, owned and leased out to the drunk by Bacchus the Roman > god of wine. Bacchus has branched out since the decrease in the worship of > the Roman pantheon and bought a large batch of these magical devices. > > The beer scooter works in the following fashion: The passenger reaches a > certain level of drunkenness and the "slurring gland" begins to give off a > pheromone. Bacchus or one of his many sub-contractors detects the Pheromone > and sends down a winged beer scooter. The scooter scoops up the passenger > and deposits them in their bedroom via a trans-dimensional portal. > > It is not cheap to run a beer scooter franchise, so a large portion of the > passenger's in-pocket cash is taken as payment. This generates the Second > question after a night out 'How did I spend so much money?' Beer Scooters > have a poor safety record and are thought to be responsible for 90% of all > UDI (Unidentified Drinking Injuries). An undocumented feature of the beer > scooter is the destruction of time segments during the trip. The nature of > trans-dimensional portals dictates that time will be lost, seemingly > unaccounted for. This generates the third question after a night out 'What > happened?' With good intentions, Bacchus opted for the EMIT (Embarrassing > Moments In Time) add on, that automatically removes, in descending order, > those parts in time regretted most. Unfortunately one person's EMIT is not > necessarily the EMIT of another and quite often lost time is regained over a > suitable period. > > Independent studies have also shown that Beer Goggles cause the scooter's > navigation system to malfunction thus sending the passenger to the wrong > bedroom often with horrific consequences. With recent models including a > GPS, Bacchus made an investment in a scooter drive-thru chain specializing > in half eaten kebabs and pizza crusts. Another question answered!! > > For the family man, beer scooters come equipped with flowers picked from > other people's garden and Thump-A- Lot Boots. These boots are designed in > such a way that no matter how quietly you tip-toe, you are sure to wake up > your other half. Special anti-gravity springs ensure that you bump into > every wall and the CTSGS (Coffee Table Seeking Guidance System) explains the > ring barked shins. > > The final add-in Bacchus saw fit to invest in for some scooters is TAS > (Tobacco Absorption System). This explains how one person can apparently get > through 260 Marlboro Lights in a single night. > > PS: Don't forget the on-board heater, which allows you to get home from the > bar in sub-zero temperatures wearing just a t-shirt. > > -- > To unsubscribe, e-mail: <mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]> > For additional commands, e-mail: <mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]> > -- To unsubscribe, e-mail: <mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]> For additional commands, e-mail: <mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
