... really aren't supposed to be this much of a PITA. Really. They aren't.
OK, so I have assembled my gallon of Rotella-T Synthetic 5w40, my new too expensive oil filter, and the Fram SureDrain I'm going to install. Where's my drain pan? Where the heck is my drain pan. Oh yeah, it was in the back of my old truck when I crashed it, and that was the last I saw of it. Back out to the parts store for a new drain pan. One of those nice ones with a funnel shaped top and a little hole in the middle which will drain the oil down inside the body of the pan, with a nice big spout so you can pour the used oil into a jug. Hey, they were on sale. Pull the truck's front wheels up onto the curb, and then discover that the drain plug isn't where it was on my last truck. I can't get much of the drain pan under it, because it's too far forward. But there are a couple of inches of drain pan under it, so it should be alright. Get out the spanner, and... Good Grief the drain plug is in tightly. Why do people feel the need to screw these things home with the strength of an adult male orangutan? The spanner slips, and rounds off one of the plug's points. Oh well, I'm going to replace it anyway. Reposition the spanner, and make sure it's absolutely tight on the plug. Both hands and a good yank and the plug comes loose. But now I can't get the blasted wrench off of it. Wiggle the wrench free, unscrew the drain plug, fail to get my had out of the way fast enough, and wind up with used oil all over it up to my elbow. Set the drain plug on the edge of the drain pan. Time to deal with the filter. Reach through the pass through into the bed box to get my filter wrench. Where the he** is my filter wrench. Check in the seatback pouch. Not there. Go look in the toolbox in the utility closet. Not there. Go check under the seat. Not there. Climb into the capper, climb over all of the junk in the bed (helping a friend move office), and look into the bed box. There's the filter wrench, right where I always keep it, next to the spare fuel filter. Now the filter in this truck removes from the top, and is on the back of the engine. And there's a bird's nest of wires on top of it. Can I get the filter wrench around it? Nope. Unhook the connectors for the glow plug relay, the AC relay, the fuel control solenoid, and the evaporator temperature sensor, and pull the whole harness out of the way. Finally get the wrench strap around the filter. The handle of the wrench is so long that I can't move it more than a few degrees in the cramped confines of my engine compartment. Whoever put the drain plug in also put the filter on, and sure enough, they torqued it like a gorilla. To make matters worse, there's a lot of flex in the filter head, and since I can't move the wrench very far the filter keeps springing right back to its original position. Reposition the wrench and finally get enough movement on the filter to break loose the gasket. Get it loose enough to spin, and now I can't get the damned wrench off of it. <curse, curse, curse> <yank> Well, I got the wrench off of the filter, but I knocked the lead off of the #4 glow plug in the process. Remove the filter, replace the glow plug lead, and put the new filter in place. It won't go. Look at the screw end of the filter. Compare it to the old filter. Yup, they're the same. Realize there's a springy thing in the middle of the filter that I'm going to have to push against. Get the filter screwed on and hand tight. Put the filter wrench around it, and realize the handle of the wrench is so long and in such an awkward position that I can't move it. I wrap a paper towel around the filter, and get it as tight as I can by hand, and hope the gasket has enough compression to hold. I'm going to have to cut about half of the handle off of that filter wrench. I replace the wiring harness, get out the SureDrain, and go to install it in the oil pan. And I find out that this is one of those annoying engines which, when drained of oil, has the last bit of oil follows the contour of the oil pan around forward. My parking spot looks like Prince William Sound after the Exxon Valdez got through with it. I get under the truck, being careful to avoid all of the spilled oil, and go to put the SureDrain in the drain hole, and it won't go. There's so much crud on the threads of the drain hole that the SureDrain won't engage them. Cleaned the threads, and the SureDrain went right in. I pull the drain pan out of the way, and just as it comes to a stop the old filler plug slides off of the edge, slips down toward the hole in the top of the drain pan, circles it, does a neat little pirouette on the edge, and plunks right in. Great. The filter won't drain into the pan. Then I remember, it has an anti drainback valve, so you have to knock a hole in the filter can to get it to drain properly. So I pull out my Leatherman, select the awl blade, and knock a hole in the filter. The blow causes oil to spray out of the open end of the filter and splatter everywhere. I open the bottle of oil, and start pouring it into the engine. I pour it faster than the engine can take it, and wind up spilling a bunch of it. All over the exhaust manifold. Well, that's going to smell wonderful. I wipe up as much of it as I can, and look at the dipstick. Center tollerance. Perfect. The only thing that's gone right all day. I take the cap off of the drain pan, go to pour the used oil into the bottle I just took the new oil out of, and find that the spout from the drain pan is bigger than the mouth of the bottle. More oil on the pavement. And just as I'm getting finished pouring the oil into the bottle *plunk* the drain plug falls into it. Pour the oil _back_ into the drain pan, making sure to keep the drain plug from falling in _again_, then pour the oil back into the bottle. Start up, leak check, no problems. Success. But a 15 minute oil change has taken 2 hours. Wipe down the drain pan, put it aside, move the truck, and then use half a roll of shop towels cleaning up the 3 foot wide by 7 foot long puddle of oil that was under the truck. Getting oil all over me in the process. I know if I don't clean it up now my cats will be in it tonight. I put the drain pan into a trash bag, put it into the utility closet, and go take a shower to wash all of the oil off of me. Get out of the shower, and realize I forgot to take off my sandals when I came into the house, and I have tracked big oily black footprints all over the house. I just got done using a rugwasher to get all of the oily footprints out of the carpet. Oil changes are easier than this. Really, they are. I really hate days like this. And now I'm going to go have a stiff drink and go to bed before I do any more damage. AP ------------------------ Yahoo! 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