I couldnt resist posting
this.
Malcolm
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/color>/fontfamily>NEW CALIFORNIA BLUE STATES NATION!/color>/fontfamily>
/color>/fontfamily>
Dear
Red States /color>/fontfamily>
/color>/fontfamily>
We're
ticked off at the way you've treated California, and we've decided /color>/fontfamily>
we're
leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the/color>/fontfamily>
other
Blue States with us. /color>/fontfamily>
/color>/fontfamily>
In
case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington,/color>/fontfamily>
Minnesota,
Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe /color>/fontfamily>
this
split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people /color>/fontfamily>
of
the new country of New California./color>/fontfamily>
/color>/fontfamily>
To
sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get
/color>/fontfamily>
stem
cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot Spitzer. You get /color>/fontfamily>
Ken
Lay. /color>/fontfamily>
/color>/fontfamily>
We
get the Statue of Liberty. You get
OpryLand./color>/fontfamily>
We
get Intel and Microsoft. You get
WorldCom./color>/fontfamily>
We
get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss. /color>/fontfamily>
/color>/fontfamily>
We
get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs./color>/fontfamily>
You
get Alabama. /color>/fontfamily>
/color>/fontfamily>
We
get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red /color>/fontfamily>
states
pay their fair share./color>/fontfamily>
/color>/fontfamily>
Since
our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian /color>/fontfamily>
Coalition's,
we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single /color>/fontfamily>
moms./color>/fontfamily>
/color>/fontfamily>
Please
be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti- war, and /color>/fontfamily>
we're
going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need /color>/fontfamily>
people
to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently/color>/fontfamily>
willing
to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you /color>/fontfamily>
don't
show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. /color>/fontfamily>
/color>/fontfamily>
We
do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're /color>/fontfamily>
not
willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire./color>/fontfamily>
/color>/fontfamily>
With
the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of/color>/fontfamily>
the
country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and /color>/fontfamily>
lettuce,
92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's /color>/fontfamily>
quality
wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90 percent of/color>/fontfamily>
all
cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. /color>/fontfamily>
low-sulfur
coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and /color>/fontfamily>
Seven
Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT. /color>/fontfamily>
/color>/fontfamily>
With
the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 /color>/fontfamily>
percent
of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92/color>/fontfamily>
percent
of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 /color>/fontfamily>
percent
of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually /color>/fontfamily>
100
percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University,/color>/fontfamily>
Clemson
and the University of Georgia. /color>/fontfamily>
/color>/fontfamily>
We
get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.
/color>/fontfamily>
/color>/fontfamily>
Additionally,
38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was /color>/fontfamily>
actually
swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless /color>/fontfamily>
we're
discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that /color>/fontfamily>
evolution
is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and /color>/fontfamily>
61
percent of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals
/color>/fontfamily>
than
we lefties./color>/fontfamily>
/color>/fontfamily>
By
the way, we're taking the good pot, too.
/color>/fontfamily>
You
can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.
/color>/fontfamily>
/color>/fontfamily>
Sincerely,/color>/fontfamily>
/color>/fontfamily>
Author
Unknown in New California. /color>/fontfamily>
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