> Subject: Checklist
>
> After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form, called a
> "gripe
> sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the
> aircraft.
> The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs
> on the form,
> & then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next
> flight.
> Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of
> humor. Here are
> some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Quantas'
> pilots & the
> mechanics responses:
>
> (By the way, Quantas is the only major airline that has
> never had an
> accident.)
>
>
>
> (P= The problem logged by the pilot.)
> (S= The solution and action taken by mechanics.)
>
>
>
> P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
> S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
> ----------------------------------------
> P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
> S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
> ----------------------------------------
> P: Something loose in cockpit.
> S: Something tightened in cockpit.
> ----------------------------------------
> P: Dead bugs on windshield.
> S: Live bugs on back-order.
> ----------------------------------------
> P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per
> minute
> descent.
> S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
> ----------------------------------------
> P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
> S: Evidence removed.
> ----------------------------------------
> P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
> S: DME volume set to more believable level.
> ----------------------------------------
> P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
> S: That's what they're for.
> ----------------------------------------
> P: IFF inoperative.
> S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
> ----------------------------------------
> P: Suspected crack in windshield.
> S: Suspect you're right.
> ----------------------------------------
> P: Number 3 engine missing.
> S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
> ----------------------------------------
> P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
> S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, & be
> serious.
> ----------------------------------------
> P: Target radar hums.
> S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
> ----------------------------------------
> P: Mouse in cockpit.
> S: Cat installed.
> ----------------------------------------
> P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a
> midget
> pounding on something with a hammer.
> S: Took hammer away from midget
>
> After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form, called a
> "gripe
> sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the
> aircraft.
> The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs
> on the form,
> & then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next
> flight.
> Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of
> humor. Here are
> some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Quantas'
> pilots & the
> mechanics responses:
>
> (By the way, Quantas is the only major airline that has
> never had an
> accident.)
>
>
>
> (P= The problem logged by the pilot.)
> (S= The solution and action taken by mechanics.)
>
>
>
> P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
> S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
> ----------------------------------------
> P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
> S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
> ----------------------------------------
> P: Something loose in cockpit.
> S: Something tightened in cockpit.
> ----------------------------------------
> P: Dead bugs on windshield.
> S: Live bugs on back-order.
> ----------------------------------------
> P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per
> minute
> descent.
> S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
> ----------------------------------------
> P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
> S: Evidence removed.
> ----------------------------------------
> P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
> S: DME volume set to more believable level.
> ----------------------------------------
> P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
> S: That's what they're for.
> ----------------------------------------
> P: IFF inoperative.
> S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
> ----------------------------------------
> P: Suspected crack in windshield.
> S: Suspect you're right.
> ----------------------------------------
> P: Number 3 engine missing.
> S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
> ----------------------------------------
> P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
> S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, & be
> serious.
> ----------------------------------------
> P: Target radar hums.
> S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
> ----------------------------------------
> P: Mouse in cockpit.
> S: Cat installed.
> ----------------------------------------
> P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a
> midget
> pounding on something with a hammer.
> S: Took hammer away from midget
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